The Gonzo Lecture

Comment to Gonzoworld....

2012-01-27T04:43:00.000-08:00

This sounds fucking awful - even putting my heavy gonzo filter on, I can't see the irony or fun in any of these suggestions. The real future for the hungry travelers seeking the route to survival in the weird ashes of the future scattered before us is to escape the present system of education which, as it stands crumbling into total and distant uncertainty offers no real prospects of anything for those who follow the "standard" bullshit package being presently presented to them as their only option. Information and knowledge is power, but always makes itself free. The faster we overthrow the dimness of the dull minds who've circumvented everything that we might serve them, the sooner we'll be free, both in our lives and in our thinking.

For details of the full post on "Gonzoworld's" strange and unrecognizable take on education please go here

Prodigies

2012-01-07T08:45:00.001-08:00

We are a generation of "child prodigies" who are in the business of producing new child prodigies who no longer accept the "facts" handed to them from the present, corrupt and broken discourses. We are out for ourselves, not to make this world a better place for all to live; that is impossible. Instead we must escape the present age, its dire corruption and those who would continue to propagate its brokeness through illegitimate power systems. We only can be ruled if we agree to be so, and we can't agree to be ruled by the truth of unfairness. Instead, we each must decide for ourselves to question and oppose these commonly accepted, yet illegitimate power discourses wherever we meet them. This is the gonzo way. We are too gonzo to go with the flow, too weird for the common way of conformity.
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Exciting, beautiful and cool

2012-01-07T08:33:00.000-08:00

We are exciting, beautiful and cool, but not only that, through this identity we are able to present to a truth to others which is irreconcilable with the truth of our "elders". We provide a truthfulness which is not according to that handed down by the corrupt discourse of the power makers before us who have fashioned a power discourse and a power system in which to house it from which we must make ourselves free.
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Myths, humour and social reality

2012-01-07T07:40:00.001-08:00

We examine our myths with humour to find truth in our social reality and then communicate it to others through the vehicle of the tall story.
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Free Online Education For All | LinkedIn

2012-01-04T12:14:00.001-08:00

This is a super enterprise-type innovation for anybody worries about the impact of the government's new and improved (yet totally unfair) hike in unrealistically exorbitant university tuition fees.

Likely to be dubbed "the plastic programme" this initiative concerns the giving away of university education for free. Brilliant!

http://www.linkedin.com/news?actionBar=&articleID=1014307399&ids=cjgRd3cSej4MciMPejAMc3wVcj0Nb3AMdjcOe3oNc34IczwPe3ARdj4MciMVejcTc3cQcj0N&aag=true&freq=weekly&trk=eml-tod2-b-ttl-0&ut=327anTtvYm9l41&_mSplash=1

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Clegg Creeps out of the Crypt

2011-12-12T00:02:00.001-08:00

The gonzo prophecies continue to be fulfilled. I've already pointed out sometime ago, albeit briefly, that my US presidential pre-election critique came true. Gonzolecture loyalty card holders will no doubt recall that I proclaimed Obama and his forthcoming administration as a dead-duck President-in-waiting at the head of a waste-of-space government. My reasons for this, even though I'm really a big fan of the idea of a black president, lie in the fact that you can change the colour of the people but you can't change the system. It will always revert back to the promotion of vested interest, particularly where capitalists are involved.

Speaking of capitalists, I heard that there's some trouble just now at Downing Street. Cameron's just got back from a bit of euro-bashing and telling those damn froggies and krauts over there that we're really not interested in helping them out of their whole euro-tank crisis, even though we know that we're also a bit fucked by the whole thing too. All this might not make much international sense but it plays well at home with the Tory government and London Cathedral Cheese-eating cabbies. The problem for Cameron is that he doesn't head an actual Conservative government and his power in an official sense is shorn up by his fellow bed-wetters in the LibDem Party. The head of this desperate rabble is his turncoat, backstabbing pet Clegg.

Of course, focus-group members will recall Clegg has been a regular focus of these pages because of his basic powerlust at any price, political polish rather than prowess and ability to talk the talk but otherwise have no real fucking clue what's going on. Now I've met some intelligent people who really like Clegg, so I'm not going to completely rubbish his ideology as I do think it's better than Cameron's - but then wouldn't everybody who's about £999,990 short of a million quid? Or too stupid to really work what's going - we must always remember the working man.

It's just occurred to me that Baron's probably smoking his pipe, staring at his computer screen saying to himself "what the fuck? I thought this lunatic was supposed to be espousing left-wing values in the furtherance of the complete destruction of the injustices of an antiquated class system!"

But, back to Clegg. Thank you for still continuing to read, by the way. Nicky Clegg, the uber-privileged rich kid, cut from the same hunk of cheese as his playmate Cameron, has unashamedly seized his opportunity following the last election to grab power at any price. Unfortunately this hasn't worked out too well for him, his party or the country as a whole, particularly if you're a student, have a former public-sector type pension scheme, and loads of other members of the nation's "less-than-rich" groups. In fact it got to stage when if something nasty needed saying, or some pre-election promise needed breaking in the name of austerity then Puppet Clegg was dusted off and put in front of the cameras. That's what happens when everyone thinks you're a complete dick until they see you play well on telly in the Sky leadership debates. So since the election and the muddy, blood letting that followed we've enjoyed Nicky boy sharing that instead no tuition fees for students they'd be paying double from now on, etc.

Well now we've got Cameron shouting up the stairs "honey I'm home" and being greeted with an icy silence on the other end because the euro-screwover has not played well with Clegg's mob. In fact he's come out to say how disappointed he is by the whole thing, that it's bad for Britain, etc. He's been accused by the tories and their media lackies of backstabbing Cameron. It's all a bit messy, really.

If only there was a credible alternative government in waiting - I know Eddie Whatshisname (I genuinely cannot remember his surname right no, no doubt due to some yesteryear potsmoking-induced senior moment - David's brother, that guy, the pussy). Anyway, upwards and backwards or whatever.
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The Gonzo Way

2011-12-09T05:34:00.001-08:00

I've just smoking a ciggy in the back garden in between feverishly grading term papers and the cogs of my deranged mind began to crank and squeal in all directions as if straining on their axes. I'm thinking constantly about the purposes of our profession and its future. It strikes me that a slinking corporateness is gradually invading all aspects of our work lives in universities. This in one respect is a natural product of turning what we do into an open market business with customers who are required to pay more and require increasing evidence of value. I essentially don't have major problem with much of the thinking behind this - I work in a business school in a competitive, high demand study area which boasts robust student numbers and good levels of progression into "real" jobs at the end of it. I also think that we can always improve our service to students - I've always been a worker in service industries in many forms and don't have a problem with delivering value. I think building rapport and having student interests at heart beneath it all are essentials to what we do. What I am increasingly feeling is that the rush to monetise what we do and the injustices that go with it are often negating the core education "product" we deliver - for want of a better way of putting it. It surprised me recently when I was forwarded by an esteemed editor of an education journal (and fan of this blog) an article which had been submitted by a "professor" of such a monetisation of education and research philosophy. The editor's aim was to get me to quickly produce a boil in the bag rebuttal to this fairly vague opus which I didn't have time to do. I still might, but what intrigued me was the limited time I was being given to do it in the mad rush there seemed be to get the journal edition to press. The reason I was given was that none of the other colleagues asked prior to me seemed willing to step up to the plate and throw their contribution into the debate. Now I don't know exactly what the reasons were for this reluctance - perhaps time for them was also a limited commodity. Alternatively, perhaps my esteemed colleagues viewed the invitation as an opportunity to, as Professor Klash put it when I asked him, "write a career suicide note." To be sure, with increased, looming job insecurities on the horizon thanks to the coalition "government's" shortsightedness about student fees, I'm sure the last thing a hopeful business academic might want to be seen to be indulging in is an open campaign to undermine one of the major facets of the university's "enterprise" initiative - something it's invested much into in recent years. Certainly enterprise talks - particularly when new areas of revenue are looking like they'll soon be needed. Our new boss comes not from academia but from a leading City corporation. He's a business manager, now managing a business school.

Anyway, tea break over. Back to the machine. I'll get back to this though, I promise. I have to. Apart from my family, Hunter, my research and my teaching, I think about little else these days.
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Business Studies, or BS

2011-12-09T00:39:00.001-08:00

I was ranting again last night in my doctoral group about the impending implosion of the mythical saviour of the university industry, Business Studies - or "BS" as it will be referred to, forthwith.

It makes me very nervous when I see philosophy departments being closed down all around. I'm not surprised when I hear some of the stupid things philosophy students say and the fact that only skill they seem to be equipped with in life is ability to piss their fellows off with their constant and meaningless quaestioning of everything. I mean, who wants to work to someone like that in Starbucks? "But who says we should throw the soyamilk away after 3 hours? Why not 4? Isn't this just another expression of greedy capitalist control of the workers?" Well, yes it is. The only difference Skip is you spent £24k to work that out whilst the rest of us were qualifying to become lawyers and accountants - extra shot please and make it snappy.

No, my nervousness is simply that I might be next for the chop - but somehow I doubt it.

Anyway, I think I heard the Baron fall of his chair, so I'm going to check on him to make sure he's okay. I've also got some marking to do and the Barefoot Contessa's on again later, so I'll have to think about again and get back to you. Happy Friday.
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Impossible

2011-12-09T00:24:00.001-08:00

Some policeman can be bribed, some journalists are more interested in a good story than they are in the "truth", past judges have ordered innocent men to be killed and certain priests have done ungodly things to the little kids in their care. This is the sad, uncomfortable reality of life in a decaying age.

Today and yesterday a lot are ranting about the outrage to do with edexel exams being easier than other exams. Not suprising really. If you've ever been involved with some of these bodies you know there's a bizarre relationship fuelled by money and vested interests tying the whole thing together. That's the case whenever you monetise something and then put a select few in charge of it. It's the smell of greed, vested interests and bastards all mixed together. What's surprising is that people such as Breakfast Charlie disbelievingly throw their well-manicured hands in the air on behalf of the nation and cry how amazing the revelation is that exam bodies, teachers and schools have been secretly working behind the scenes to get as many school pupils to pass as possible. This is what the parents want, this is what the schools want and behind it all the government states that if a school doesn't get students to pass then it's not a good school and parents shouldn't send their kids there. Over to the teachers who are asked to shop around the exam board providers for the best deal. In the middle of it all are the incredibly, squeaky-clean telegraph newspaper, tory led and tory promoting revealing to us that once again the quasi public sector that the tories made is corrupt, greedy and self serving. Wow, what a revelation. Let the beating of the small people continue...
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the screwtape controversy

2011-11-26T19:07:00.001-08:00

"Crikey. No tension in that meeting then!" Professor Acosta looked aghast across the table at his colleague.

Professor Tenbury sucked calmly on the mouth piece of his briar pipe, as a giant curl of creamy white smoke ascended to the ceiling of the faculty bar lounge.

"Fear not, dear friend," he replied. He was smiling because he'd already thought of somebody he was going to blame for all of this. In fact, blame was not the only possible option here. He may even need to resort to murder.

The bizarre situation the duo found themselves in had all resulted from the shady dealings of one Dr Chan, a Researcher in their department.

Reputed by most female colleagues as the department's most desirable sperm donor, Chan had spent several years building a nice empire for himself until his charm and influence appeared to have shot like a corrosive thread through almost all of the department's activities.

Dr Chan had somehow succeeded in answering to nobody, which had eventually resulted in nobody being clear about either his remit or his activities in the department. In fact, though his position became gradually more prominent, Dr Chan was rarely to be seen on campus.

Tenbury believed that Chan had made some influential contacts in the international research community as well as some enduring friendships with fellow members of a dark and mysterious society known to outsiders only as "The 3rd Front."

It was rumoured that this covert organisation was comprised of powerful individuals positioned in the higher echelons of the University of Rochester. Tenbury's and Acosta's own boss was one of them, as was an inner circle of clandestine bag men who had often been seen in the upper floor windows of various offices late at night and sometimes before dawn engaged in possibly nefarious activities. As with many of the mysterious happenings at the University of Rochester, nothing was ever reported, or investigated.

Tenbury's eyes narrowed. "I'm going to kill them all when this's over," he whispered coldly.

"I'll give you an alibi," replied Acosta. "But first we need to compare notes."

"What notes?" Tenbury was puzzled.

"At least we should compare our hit lists. It would be a shame if we were competing to assassinate the same people."

(This completely fictional story will be continued soon...please keep logging on...)
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m.guardian.co.uk

2011-11-22T09:14:00.001-08:00

Thanks to professor Klash for the following link

http://m.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/nov/20/christmas-adverts-john-lewis?cat=commentisfree&type=article

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Weird

2011-11-06T21:48:00.001-08:00

So it's bizarre how many cockroaches, rats and dinosaurs come scuttling and slithering out of the shadows as soon as the first whiff of decay pervades down the plastic, tv-studio hallway. They've all been around a lot longer than we humans, these beasts. Offcuts of the evolutionary cycle. Misfits that have survived so long not because they're useful, or ever were, but just because they've survived.

It's the blank spots in the system that have led to such freaks being allowed to survive. Relics of a bygone era whose presence comes from simply hanging around and surviving. Their only fight comes when their instincts are threatened. Then their dumbness comes to the fore. As practitioners of the mono-thought, they have nothing to offer apart from age-old corruption. Power and honesty seldom go together.

If today there was an atomic mishap, they'd still be the only thing to survive. This is mostly a matter of sheer numbers and their ability to feed on garbage.
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Revenge

2011-11-06T20:30:00.000-08:00

The first written appearance of the proverb "revenge is a dish best served cold" is often wrongly credited to the novel Les liaisons dangereuses(1782); it does not, in fact, appear there in any form. It is also said to have been borrowed by late 19th century British writers from the AfghanPashtuns.[7] However, its earliest identified appearance in European literature is in the 1841 French novel Mathilde by Marie Joseph Eugène Sue: la vengeance se mange très-bien froide — there italicized as if quoting a proverbial saying — published in English translation in 1846 asrevenge is very good eaten cold.

The popularly familiar wording can be attributed to The Godfather by Mario Puzo, a major bestseller in 1969, but the 1949 film Kind Hearts and Coronets had it as revenge is a dish which people of taste prefer to eat cold. The familiar wording more recently appears in the title sequence of the 2003 Quentin Tarantino film Kill Bill: Vol 1, first used as an "Old Klingon Proverb", referencing its use in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, which so cites it.

The proverb suggests that revenge is more satisfying as a considered response enacted when unexpected, or long feared, inverting the more traditional revulsion toward 'cold-blooded' violence. In early literature it is used, usually, to persuade another to forestall vengeance until wisdom can reassert itself. This sense is lost in recent presentations.

Another proverb, attributed to the Chinese philosopher Confucius, states, "Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves." The implication here is that a desire for revenge may ultimately hurt the seeker as much as the victim.

Adapted from Wikipedia

Tweet from @SkyNews

2011-10-31T15:07:00.001-07:00

@SkyNews: Man Has Race Hate Tattoos Burned Off His Face http://bit.ly/rIhaSF

Jeez. Well worth considering before you get that totally-sought-after swastika for your forehead.
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Tweet from @DelaneyMan

2011-10-28T23:28:00.001-07:00

@DelaneyMan: @TheGonzoLecture tru dat!

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I'm back

2011-10-17T07:17:00.001-07:00

I've just returned from another meaningless trip into the bowels of hell. I was watching Platoon in the wee small hours of this morning whilst Kimono was hacking together another redundant "formative" assignment for one of the terrorising courses she's had dumped on her this semester. If you're not into the contemporary "lingo" of mass-education, then there's presently 2 types of assessment you can do to earn that all-valuable piece of paper as a result of your studies. The first is "formative" which basically means fuck all, because you don't get anything for it in terms of real grades. The idea is that you're supposed to get "much benefit from the completion of a formative piece of assessment" and it's therefore one of "you get out of it what you put into it". Apart from an actual grade, that is. The second type is "summative assessment" which you do get a grade for, which ultimately determines your destiny. You get upped, repeated, or kicked out on the basis of that type, so it's best to at least have a go. Believe me, I've seen some tragedies over the years, borne by students misreading the relevance to their all-important understanding of such matters. Of course, none of this bears any real relationship to researched and documented pedagogy. It's really more a case of giving names to things to classify them so that power may be wielded by social institutions to control the individuals who operate within them. Quite a robust system generally, especially if you happen to be the poor fucker who ends up on the wrong end of it.

As usual, I digress. Going back to Charlie Sheen and his buddies getting shot at by the Vietcong in the hostile jungle of Vietnam, all in the name of pointless patriotism. Rebelling against their parents' wishes in order to serve their country at the behest of a corrupt US administration, scared stiff at the prospect of growing communism in a country that basically had nothing to do with it. Wondering as they arrived what the hell they'd let themselves in for, I was amazed at the way history just keeps on repeating itself with the same, mad result. Now everybody agreeing there's no business being there, yet keeping the flag flying in the face of home opposition against the unreasonable costs of war. Quite strange how Oliver Stone, self appointed moral conscience of such matters seems to portray black soldiers as the ones sleeping on nightwatch and then lying about it to cover their own asses. I'm glad social justice has seemingly moved on a notch since then. Sheen's character quotes somebody as once saying "hell is the absence of reason" or something like that. So in his spliff-induced mayhem of a damaged idealism, he shoots his commanding officer played by Tom Berenger before catching the earliest helo out of hell. Quite funny though, watching Sheen trying his first doobie, especially after seeing the "Roast of Charlie Sheen" on Comedy Central a coupler of night's previously when "friends" of his, which included Captain Kirk, hurled insults at him on stage, mainly related to his latest, very public, drug-induced meltdown and subsequent sacking as the highest paid TV actor in TV history. All because he apparently called his boss "a contaminated maggot" (news.msn.com.au), "a stupid, stupid little man and a pussy punk that I never want to be like" (yourtv.com), a "turd", a "clown and a charlatan." He said his boss's girlfriends were also "losers" and "turds" as well. There were also, apparently, some jewish comments made. The forum members of "Stormfront" loved that comment, for sure. So it's not surprising to see him getting fired from the show after this public, fairly gonzoaic rant. Sheen also apparently proclaimed AA a cult - probably his main problem, overall one might surmise. Anyway, what was the point of all this again?
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doo-doo

2011-10-13T02:17:00.000-07:00

this must be the weirdest kids toy i've seen - it looks more suitable for South Park rather than "high quality toy stores". My daughter certainly won't be getting one of these anytime soon....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDyOD1C67J0&noredirect=1

BOB DYLAN YOU GOT A LOT OF NERVE LYRICS

2011-10-10T04:41:00.000-07:00

You've got a lot of nerve
To say you are my friend.
When I was down you just stood there grinning.

You've got a lot of nerve
To say you've got a helping hand to lend.
You just want to be on the side that's winning.

You say I let you down,
You know it's not like that.
If you're so hurt, why then don't you show it?

You say you've lost your faith,
But that's not where it's at.
You have no faith to lose, and you know it.

I know the reason that
You talk behind my back.
I used to be among the crowd you're in with.

Do you take me for such a fool
To think I'd make contact
With the one who tries to hide what he don't know to begin with?

You see me on the street.
You always act surprised.
You say, how are you, good luck, but you don't mean it.
When you know as well as me,
You'd rather see me paralyzed
Why don't you just come out once and scream it!

Now don't I feel that good
When I see the heartaches you embrace
If I were a master thief perhaps I'd rob them.

And though I know you're dissatisfied
With your position and your place,
Don't you understand, it's not my problem.

I wish that for just one time,
You could stand inside my shoes,
And just for that one moment I could be you.
Yes, I wish that for just one time
You could stand inside my shoes,
You'd know what a drag it is to see you.

http://www.justsomelyrics.com/702397/BOB-DYLAN-YOU-GOT-A-LOT-OF-NERVE-Lyrics

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Burnout (psychology) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

2011-10-06T14:30:00.000-07:00

Whilst talking with Kimono just now about life the universe and the world of work, I came across this wiki on Burnout. Freaky. I can see the lines on some of my colleagues' palms when I read this stuff. Like looking in a mirror.

I wonder if gonzo blogging is indeed also another coping strategy. Methinks so...

Check it out:

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burnout_(psychology)

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A twist of events

2011-10-03T00:35:00.001-07:00

I'm just watching Slimy George on TV bullshitting the people of Britain that the government hasn't totally fucked up the economic recovery we should be seeing by now after their rash, desperate spending slash they've been on since they hoodwinked the British "electorate" into going along with a strange coalition with the power-desperate Liberal Democrats. I've been so pissed off about this I've been almost totally unable to talk about it. I don't want to name-call but they're a bunch of cunts.

So far the news has discussed Slimy George and Amanda Knox, who seem to be on this morning's new lineup. I'm not sure who I'd trust the least with my family's welfare.

Of course the coalition has unveiled its next brilliant go at getting the economy moving - it's called Quantitative easing - which involves cleverly printing large amounts of new money and spreading it around, particularly to the banks. It's apparently their third attempt at this and really so far it doesn't seem to work. I don't suppose that'll stop slimy George, seeing as he's totally out of conservative-party-type options.

But what really disturbs me today about the state of this nation is the drive by BBC Breakfast towards using presenters with quaint, regional accents. There was fidgety guy on yesterday who's accent was so northern and thick-sounding that you could hardly understand what the poor guy was trying to say. I thought he was going declare "ecki-thump" with black pudding baton held aloft in victory. Goody-goody yum yum.

The business chick they had on just now was the same. It was almost as if she enjoyed her bastardisation of the English tongue. I'm sure the poor public in the regions were having nice street parties with eccles cakes, bakewell tarts and cups of tea at this clear victory for niche dialects.

Now I'm not advocating by any means that we should all become chinless wonders and speak cut glass like those little chaps who just paid a visit to Rupert Everett's dorm-room wardrobe, but enough is enough.

It's bad enough that the BBC, in its middle class, irrelevant, social inclusion type way is always subjecting us to ugly weather presenters - with excruciating close ups - and bog-eyed political correspondents. In this atmosphere of awful, cosmetic shows of public-responsibility I'd rather have something nice to look at while I'm drinking my coffee.

If we can make a consolidated effort to get gals like that one on the BBC yesterday - perky, bright - looks good and makes you feel good - rather than that acronym eyesore they normally inflict on us - then I might feel as if the absolute fortune I pay yearly to keep them pumping out this crap might be worth it.

I feel cut out and have for a while - white, able-bodied, straight, educated, males are probably generally feeling it. There's no real positive action programme for us.

Anyway. Fuck the so called government and the public sector broadcasting shenanigans.
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Screw your index

2011-10-01T05:58:00.001-07:00

A synopsis on the Sky TV guide for the movie now showing on the BBC Goal II: Living the Dream reads:

"A young footballer from the slums of LA accepts a transfer to Real Madrid. Contains behaviour which could be imitated. "
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Meltdown

2011-09-28T13:50:00.001-07:00

As a member of the "middle" university management team, it's not normally custom to tell senior managers that their meeting that you've been summoned to needs to "finish up much earlier than planned" because you're "wasting my time" and this manager "has a number of other things to be getting on with that" he "can get hung for.." I think at that point I conceded public defeat and moved with the top guy I could find to an aside for a bit of strategic one-to-one discourse.

At that point I'd spent all week in meetings defending a piece of admin I'd spent all of my summer worrying about

[Post abandoned due to a sudden necessity to take annual leave]
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Undercarriage

2011-09-28T13:49:00.001-07:00

As my political undercarriage began scraping the tips of the rocks, I decided to step out of my office into the university square.

I was greeted by shawshanky "fresh-fish" feeling as I look across hoards of confused new arrivals, wandering across the campus, some even wheeling their suitcases.
[Post abandoned due to complete forgetfulness regarding its point]
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Management

2011-09-28T13:47:00.001-07:00

It's quite funny watching the documentary about the origins and history of Pink Floyd this morning entitled "Which One's Pink?".

What strikes me is that this musical reaction to all the crap that was the ass-end of the sixties began to hit problems as the band's more traditional management took them from their underground roots and got them to play in popular music halls.

The band generally was very unhappy with this arrangement. Their leading songwriter Sid Barrett took an LSD overdose and completely fried his brain and was no longer able to perform.

This led to the rise of David Gilmore.

It just reminds of that old X-Files quote which talks about "neat" and "messy" minds. Neat management minds often spot a lucrative financial opportunity to use the current power-system to make money from the mass audience, whilst the messy-minded artists use their art to resist that very power system their despising of it produces. As a result, they break out from or become part of the old system. Eitherway, this becomes either an obstacle to earnings, or to the "product" being produced. It seems bad for art eitherway.

This happened recently to a team I know of, who presented a "pitch" for a publication based upon its radical, creative position in relation to the crap already out there.

Several years passed by to just before the publication date, when suddenly the group received an email from their own publisher's sales team pedalling the very competitors' offerings they had long opposed. Shock ensued as this team suddenly found itself unwittingly in bed with their rivals and faced with their tough-produced innovation simply being marketed next to what they viewed as inferior "sister" offerings.

It is quite strange that the band Pink Floyd got their association mixed up with middle-class, english progressive rock. As Bob Geldof states, it took him years to realise past this that Dark Side of the Moon was the real highpoint of the band's music careers.

I was at a dinner last week when the following discussion ensued:

Faculty peripheral character 1: It's called the Dark Side of the Moon."

Unicultured, peripheral character 2: "Wotz dat?"

Professor Gonzo: "Only the best album ever made."

Senior big-wig: "Tut...you're joking!"

Professor Gonzo: "No, I never joke. Especially about that!"

Senior big-wig: "they're middle class wankers! We don't need no education? Anyway, I was a Mod."

Professor Gonzo: "isn't just a case of the drugs you take that makes the difference?"

Senior big-wig: I saw Jimmy Hendrix last ever gig."

Professor Gonzo: "well he was definitely not a Mod."

It was weird to hear about Roger Waters spitting at a fan in a stadium incident on the Animals tour where a gig had gone completely pear shaped.
The Wall was consequently delivered by Waters to the band. He asserted his leadership, sacked the founding keyboard player, and viewed himself as the band's writer. This seems to have lead to the breakdown of the band's personal relationships.

Dave Gilmore, viewing this as dictatorship, mounted resistance to Water's dominance. They made one more album "Final Cut" and then Waters announced he was leaving. When Gilmore acknowledged Waters' resignation, they went onto the 3rd stage of Floyd. Waters said the Floyd brand should also be retired.

Gilmore's Floyd released a Waters-less album and toured with great success. Lawsuit and bad blood flowed.

It reminds me that

[Post abandoned]
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Another semi-plagiarised quote from the Gonzo Lecture

2011-09-21T01:12:00.001-07:00

some people give lectures because they have something worth saying....others think they have something worth saying because they give lectures... The Gonzo Lecture, date above....

Weak

2011-09-20T01:44:00.001-07:00

Most of the schoolteachers I ever met were weak-minded souls with a misplaced sense of altruism.

Of course, we need teachers because without basic school education, our so-called society would be an even more remarkable litter-tray than it presently is.

Kimono was last night pulled by her child's teacher because of an "incident." Of course, she endeavoured first to find out directly from her 6 year old why she might be being summoned. He told her that a big girl had taken his basketball. He in return had called her a "fat bum."

The teacher seemed to ignore the basketball-stealing side of the incident, saying "that didn't matter." What seemed to be the problem was the young boy's unfettered use of the word "fat."

I was reminded of McManus's basic point about the use of punishment in education. He claims, along with others, that punishing children does not have the desired effect of modifying their behaviour, but simply builds up a sense of distrust of adults on the part of children.

Kimono's son doesn't think much of his teacher, neither do I. In fact, I think the whole needs rethinking.

What do you think?
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Complaints...

2011-09-12T14:16:00.000-07:00

I'd like to draw your attention to our Customer Charter here at The Gonzo Lecture. We meet over coffee at 8.30 am sharp morning to remind ourselves that our Charter doesn't dictate what we do, but who we are.

So any complaints about any of the posts here or even permissions for materials, please direct to thegonzolecture@gmail.com

As 17,000 readers last year have found, we'll put our dedicated team on things to make sure we respond to your mails immediately. This is also part of our Charter.
------------------

Blocked

2011-09-12T14:05:00.000-07:00

Massive meeting today. Hard to keep a straight face most of the time as I pondered how trapped we all were in this made-up ritual of ours. Politeness and humour abounded. Free coffee and biscuits. I had 4 Viennese finger thingies - class grub for class of grubs - sorry I just wanted try that.

In the middle of all this, Stanford Ferry announced the following major announcement:

"Dr Klash, who is not with us today as he's presently on sabbatical this term, will not be present NEXT term, either."

[At this point gasps erupted from the court]

"It appears," added Ferry "he's got a research thing."

Gasps gave way to muttering. "How did he do that?"
"How do you get a whole year off teaching?"
"He knows the system"
"Cool"

I admit secretly feeling jealousy and inspiration in one go. "How DOES he do it..?" I asked myself.
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Trannies, shemales and meringue...

2011-09-10T14:04:00.000-07:00

So after spending about 3 hours with darkside Andy who finally confessed he has a mass of putrid, black hatred for certain people in the general vicinity of where his heart used to be, I made my weary way home via the allotment to pick up Kimono's mother.

The weather was overcast and what struck me was the sudden rise of complete assholes emerging on the roads in front of me. Pin-headed scum of a variety I'd recently grown to forget as no longer my neighbours. From yardie-types through polished-headed white trash thugs who drove shitty, beaten up motors with an outward confidence possessed only by the truly fucked, who not only knew their stage in life and how they'd arrived there, but that it was a mess of their own making. Anyway, I lived and let live eventually.

I then found myself in the local Harvester restaurant with Kimono and the kids. They held us captive for over two hours. Their bacon and chicken "stack" was a little oversold. It was more like cheese-covered "scattering". Tasted good. I managed 3 pints of Pepsi Max -i which is my minimum standard for a "refill" transaction.

There a woman "serving" us who kept appearing momentarily and the disappeared for long periods without having tangibly altered our state. I realsed at one point that we'd all unfortunately been killed in a major motor accident whilst travelling there and our tortured souls had automatically been discarded in limbo for what had fast seemed like a thousand years, awaiting judgement.

This nosey old lady who had clearly been at one time a school teacher kept harassing the kids. As she pinched our baby's cheeks I wondered if she'd ever been involved in a child abduction ring and didn't really want to tell her all the information she happened to be nosily trying to extract.

At the same, an evil-looking "child" type creature peered at us from a lower level. I told Kimono to try to ignore her and perhaps she'd go away.

At that point, the revelation struck me that we'd been there so long with no food, that we were being delayed there until the witching hour of midnight when the black shirts of the restaurant servers would be torn away to expose scales where skin should be and a nest of vampires would be revealed. We would all be fed on in a frenzy til dawn when our bones, picked clean and polished by the fangs and tongues of evil would finally be bathed in sunlight as the ferrel, sub-human horde slept.

From now, I take lunch only there...

The older vampira who brought our food after what like several years rosily chirped "oh how old is your baby?"

I thought "shut up you demon in human form. You don't fool me." I answered, but only to play along and avert suspicion.

Now I'm at home again, everyone's in bed and I'm wondering if the narrator of Cop Squad or whatever it's called whose name is Raymond Glenister is the brother of superstar Phillip Glenister from Life on Mars. Glenister also was mentioned in the post "More Fake than a Trannie's Fanny," posted a while ago. I mention that because it got more hits than most other posts. All these readers from the USA search "trannie" or "fanny" or something using Google and ended up looking at a picture of Phillip Glenister. So, trannies, asian bum-sex, and shemale type references are the must-have for every commercially-minded blogger. I think any associated references to Justin Beiber might well avoided and have nothing to do with the previous references.

I want you all to feel as sweetly strong about all this as you would sampling Nigel slater's top lemon meringue.

Then again, I may be just rambling...

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What's my name again?

2011-09-02T04:55:00.000-07:00

We sat last night in Klash's yard as we hacked together the last bit of product for our editor who'd been badgering us all day with an increasingly pissed off tone to his choppier and choppier emails, whining about various bits that were missing from the final (then final/final, and eventually final/final/final) manuscript submission for our latest book collaboration. We got down what things an editor does. It seems they no longer edit, that seems to be the job of the academic. What they do is "project manage" the academics who originate, write and now edit books for publishing companies. One such enterprise I recently heard about made profits of over £700m last year on the back of the efforts of just such people. Another publisher I did some work for recently, and who published the book earlier this year, refused to send me a copy, but generously offered me a handsom, 35% "Author's Discount."

It is great to get your name out there though. When I began this rather large work 3 years ago, I didn't expect to be this burned out by the end of it...
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Student-teacher conference

2011-09-01T23:58:00.000-07:00

Student: "it was good to see you today, professor Gonzo...you are still a wonderful breath of fresh air in the pervading scent of bullshit..."

Teacher: "Thanks. Though I'm wondering whether a scent pervades? A "stench" on the other hand, that pervades. That's what we're up against - both fighting and brushing up against a tangible, choking stench. It's been around me so long I swear I was smoked like a fish over dipped hickory chips. I started repelling it when it was new to me because then it was also alien to me and against my God-given nature. But since I've been infected by it for long, it's sunk into my fibre and its silent, black tentacles have wound around my brainstem and has been transmitting evil thoughts to make me like them...It was really good to see you too."
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ZOG

2011-08-28T03:01:00.000-07:00

I really need to finish my book. But there's so many more interesting things to do instead. Like thinking about the next book I'm going to write.

I also recently came across a guy with some very loathsome racial views.

This guy Andronicus, who claims to be a serious biker - as opposed to a motorcyclist - also fancies himself as some sort of budding, white-supremacist revolutionary. He sits outside Starbucks waiting for the impending fallout from helter-skelter to arrive.

Well I just took off a couple of days from writing this post, so I'll continue. Watching Superman just now reminds me of the time I found myself walking unknowingly into a black New York suburb one morning wearing a superman tshirt and nearly getting the bejesus beaten out of me by some bronx brothas. Just shows you how ignorance aint bliss afterall because it can get you in serious trouble, maybe even dead.

I've never been able to get my head round the views of racists. There seems no reason being employed. But what seems always to be lurking at the bottom of all this is the hatred of the Jews and the Jewish state Israel.

Andy suddenly stopped his ranting mid sentence and the glaze in his eyes dissipated. "It's all about ZOG" he declared. He clarified that this referred to the Zionist Occupation Government. Did I know the truth yet? He asked. I said I didn't. He thinks this is trying to take over the world.

You should hear what he's got to say about Charles Manson. He thinks the discredited, trick-baby, serial killer by proxy is some sort of prophet. So this guy who hates people of colour so much to the point he declares that he thinks they're a different species (vaguely references Darwin) wants to get away from England because there are too many non-white folk and emigrate to France.

I just explained to him that though the grass often appears greener on the other side of the water, the French aren't particular renowned for their tolerance either, the only difference being that he might find himself on the wrong side of their home grown, xenophobic nastiness.
He'd freak if he could get his head round this Guardian article:

http://gu.com/p/3xed4/tf
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I talk to the trees...

2011-08-26T09:26:00.001-07:00

So the day I definitely want to finally finish the design chapter for the book, some guys arrive to chop a tree in half that's overhanging our garden from next door.

Being an academic, this being the summertime and with me facing this horrible writing deadline, I've had a perfect opportunity to not write and instead concentrate on epic cultural discourse from daytime TV shows such as "Help, my house is falling down."

One recent episode, starring the delightful Sarah Beanie, involved this stupid couple who bought a house at auction without a survey, only to find it was falling down due to about 9 surrounding oak trees which were literally tearing up the foundations with their roots.

Of course, I'm not getting writing done while I'm explaining all these points to you.

So, with writers block so bad that I wouldn't wish it on Gary Glitter, I pulled out the Petersen pipe and my calfskin tobacco pouch and have been doing a Mozart whilst watching this tree guy dangling from a rope with a chainsaw in his hand.

Apparently Mozart smoked 2 or 3 pipefulls before taking the afternoons to pen whole symphonies in a single sitting. I thought it might work for me too. I have to smoke sitting down though.

So I've also had a chance to see my other neighbour, whose driveway I hit recently with my car. It's another involved story I don't have time to get into. Just to say, he seems pretty peachy, even though I'm not sure about his wife who seems as if she might be a little unhinged in her own sweet way. It's good he's goning to let me off the damage, some thing about the driveway not having been constructed properly anyway in the first place and that he'll have to redo it anyway. Get's me off the hook, which is cool because I'm broke and didn't fancy the usual shenanigans often encountered with nice neighbours who take such opportunities to rip you off.

The last house I owned saw me giving £400 over to the old guy next door just so he'd build a fence high enough so I wouldn't have to lay eyes on the frightful ugliness of his mad wife, impaired daughter who liked digging holes in the early hours of the morning and of course himself, with his Norman Wisdom flat cap and olde worlde 1950s pseudo-charm to match.

Well back to the tree. It'll not drop acorns anymore on the trampoline my partner bought for the boys to bounce around on on hot summer days. It'll soon be covered in snow, anyway.

So back to the game of writing. God, I hate reviewers. They're such hackish twats who scribble shit for cheques. They just point out the holes as they see them without any underpinning knowledge as to their reasons for being there in the first place.

The whole fallacy of writing original thoughts down for consumption by a mass market is totally the subject of another post for another day.

Mozart...finger to keyboard. Brainfreeze. Ugh.

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2011-08-25T10:04:00.000-07:00

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Spontaneous Social Adoption

2011-08-23T12:34:00.001-07:00

The following is a blog entry by Carol Rozwell of Gartner.

http://blogs.gartner.com/carol_rozwell/2011/08/18/spontaneous-social-adoption?nicam=Twitter&nichn=GBN&niseg=gbnSYM081911

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Lester Bangs

2011-08-22T14:06:00.001-07:00

I was interested in a documentary showing on Sky Arts entitled "All you need is love." It embodied a critique of 70s music and heavily relied on contributions from music journalist Lester Bangs.

There's a reasonable wiki page on the guy. What struck me most was his gonzo take on the music of this period. Clapton's drug and his enduring mediocrity during that time. The futility of black disco and white glam rock. The crazy Gary Glitter phase. Clapton looked pretty f-kd up throughout. The backdrop of Bob Marley heard Bangs declaring all that the seventies offered representing the sixties grinding to a halt to become "the blandest time in western history." Repetitive, shallow were words used.

Of course Bangs died in 1982, reportedly from an accidental overdose, whilst listening to an album by the Human League.

------------------

General thoughts

2011-08-18T10:58:00.001-07:00

It's a difficult balance to be struck when moving from any business culture to the cultures of university departments.

I always worked in fairly cut-throat, perception-hungry private sector type places, where image was everything. The university cultures I moved to abroad were in some ways even more about appearances, but I often found those around me sadly lacking in the art of general effectiveness, so I easily thrived.

The UK is a different beast altogether. This is mainly due to the weird feature that some people making decisions have been stuck in their institutions so long that the world as it was when they arrived the first ever time to punch in is now a wholly different place to be.

I was thinking about my colleagues, many of whom worked there when John Major was a Prime Minister of sorts. I think I've got that right. Of course I wonder what such ones might base their observations on about anything related to working in other organisations. Certainly my impression even of many other universities of our ilk tells me I'm in a privileged realm.

The idea that we will one day progress towards a model of working which sees me wandering in the office four, or even five days a week, constantly makes me consider working for myself again.

I see these people walking down the road by my house from the bus stop at 6.45pm with their fucking ties and suits on. I also see the jobs advertised in my local recruitment agency window offering £15-20k on target earnings.

It's good to remind myself how bad it can get - that I'm spending time with my kids. That my lawn gets mowed and if my baby daughter has to go to the doctor then I can probably bet on being able to take her.

What kills is me stone dead is an end to meritocracy. I was feared up by Thatcher's henchman Tebbit to believe at the age of 12 or 13 that if I didn't do my best to be the best, then I'd soon be fucked by the system. Merit became my middle name. Above all else, I gave everything to be the best. It served me well, I have to say.

The problem is that these days, the bosses of many universities are so out of touch with this approach - because mainly they've never worked in it - that they still do things the old way. That really causes me problems as I haven't got an hour glass figure and a handsome rack, I don't have any rich or influential benefactors, am not mates with somebody important's wife and I'm not a freemason. I did it the old way. I studies, I worked hard, I forwent the easy life because I was promised it'd pay off.

Well it hasn't. Thus I'm published, practicing tedious management roles to get ahead and in many ways starting out like I did in my twenties all over again.

I've been waiting for promotion, which was talked about again last year (for the fourth year running) by an outgoing authority figure. Now he's passed. I'm still where I am.

I have realised one thing though: moaning on about this injustice doesn't bring me any closer to it being redressed.
------------------

Calling all budding superheroes!

2011-08-14T13:18:00.001-07:00

To be Tony Stark must be every boys dream - or something like it. However, budding superheroes need to bear in mind that to achieve everything Tony Stark must to become Iron Man involves learning about mathematics. Without this in depth understanding of math, the suit will never be built.

Most people therefore will tend to skip this important developmental stage and go straight to the image side of his identity. The fast cars and beautiful female companionship are, after all, the outward trappings of such a powerful and brilliant man.

Bruce Banner was also a prominent scientist before he accidentally became the Hulk. Bruce Wayne was a rich boy - just to show I'm not just concentrating on the Marvel side of great comic history. Superheroism was put in the grasp of normal people by the example of the character of Peter Parker in Spiderman. At least he was a pretty normal photojournalist.

It might demonstrate that greatness is supported by effort; that you get nothing in return for nothing.

I'd continue longer, but suddenly there appears no point to it all...

Happy sunday.
------------------

Fw: Happy Birthday from Puff Cigar Discussion Forums

2011-08-12T02:16:00.001-07:00

------Original Message------
From: Puff Cigar Discussion Forums
To: thegonzolecture@gmail.com
Subject: Happy Birthday from Puff Cigar Discussion Forums
Sent: 12 Aug 2011 05:01

Hello GonzoLecture,

We at Puff Cigar Discussion Forums would like to wish you a happy birthday today! Make sure you have a great cigar in your honor!

------------------

The week that was...

2011-08-12T02:15:00.000-07:00

So I've been encouraged to post as panic spread the nation this last week, as you, the fine readership of this continually developing opus became concerned that you hadn't heard from me for so long.

I just wanted you all to know I'm fine.

One of the serious advantages of moving from the pseudo suburbs to the real suburbs of this great metropolis is that it really does do what it says on the can. There really are none violent neighbourhoods out here, where people don't have the impending fear of crime hanging over their heads. I could happily leave open my windows and doors. I don't, only because I'm from the city.

Please bear in mind that this blog's purpose is to point out the uncomfortable truth about a system in which we all live. My purpose has never been to get down on its people.

I did see snatches of old friends this week. Eww, that didn't sound right at all. But I refer of course to Hazel Blears and poor-old, rich-boy Nicky Clegg. I saw them on the TV, which is where both do their best work and no doubt see their presence on its screen as a direct measure of their popularity as opposed to their notoriety.

Hazel was standing outside a Manchester Boots branch, probably not to buy lube, but to share her unhappy thoughts on the heartbreak of her constituents at the recent lairiness of her other constituents (whom will be further referred to throughout the remainder of this piece as "rioters").

Barticus sent me a text which read:

"After the looting and burning of carpetright, london police are worried about the ongoing problems associated with street corner rug dealers."

Anyway, Nicky-boy was trying to bolt on the outrageous behaviours of large numbers of rioters onto the weird lack of success of the policies of his unelected government.

I imagined a hurried meeting in number 10 the night it kicked off in Brixton.

"Let's distance ourselves from this. We don't people thinking the population's pissed off cos they got no money AND no public services."

"Yeah. And your fuckin stupid idea to cut the police"

"No - I have it. You're all suggesting that we perhaps pretended that this's all about the Police shooting yet another black man. You're not seeing the big picture. We have plenty footage on hand to disgust the populace with the antics of what are still ethnic minorities. All we need to do is piggy back our policies on the back of this terribly bad feeling."

"Oh, you mean a message that says "You hate us but you lawlessness scares you a lot more, doesn't it?""

"Exactly"

"Brilliant"

"I'll tell Cameron when he gets back from his holidays."

So that's how spin goes. A bit like burning down the Reichstag and then blaming it on the jews. Best way to get everyone on board with the less unpalatable alternative. They're both shite, but the more lawful, shitey option appears more reasonable and less shite.

Of course the next big question is who will be the messengers of this anti-doom propaganda? Well who's got the most to gain.

Hazel Blears must be grateful for the opportunity to get her mug on TV considering she's got more now to talk about than being sorry for ripping off the tax payer and attempting to single handedly lose the Labour Party the general election.

Bizarre thoughts come as her unsightly, fraggle-rock hairstyle bounces in time to the sound of breaking glass being swept up. "But you wanted Labour to fail, so the coalition would win the election. When the coalition government, then tried systematically to dismantle the country by putting the little guy back in his place, he would feel paint to the point of rising up. When law and order breaks down and looting starts in your home constituency you can rush out the morning after and say how sorry you are about it and that you are working hard to be on TV."

I'm suggesting this is factual in anyway.

It's a win-win though for all but the little guys.

Then there's Clegg. He'd be saying "me, me, me! Let me tell them David. Please!"

He could then somehow babble on about how the policies he looked such lying turncoat advocating could then somehow be brought up as a positive. Funny how things work. Ever since Livingstone (Ken, not Jonathan or Doctor) slid into view to proclaim "we are one, we are Londoners" there's been a bit of a penchant about using disasters to try to unite the un-uniteable and blame outsider groups whom nobody deep-down really likes.

Anyway. I'm going out now. I didn't want write about any of this, it just came out suddenly.

Have a nice day.
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Tweet from @londonlaunch

2011-07-26T23:43:00.001-07:00

@londonlaunch: Duncan Mackay from @insidethegames talking more about the #London2012 hospitality. http://twitpic.com/5w87lf

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Tweet from @EventsEducation

2011-07-26T23:40:00.001-07:00

@EventsEducation: Recession knocked £2.5bn off the value of UK events - http://ow.ly/5NnQm

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I really have no idea...

2011-07-23T16:19:00.000-07:00

I ended up in IKEA just now looking for trash cans and a kitchen grater with multiple attachable surfaces when I began to look around me.

The place was full of all kinds of people; masses of shades and tongues. What struck me was the university-ward chick with her mom. Just seventeen, you know what I mean...she was probably 18, but definitely leaving home for the first time to the big house. Priority one, shop for dormroom, within budget and make sure it's hip enough for potential college friends to not take one look and think she were nerdish. Answer: IKEA.

The Swedish run home retail store which originated by a Swedish who since spent of his time in Lausanne for tax reasons, no doubt. I totally have no idea about of this.

Mom's frightfully middle class and shit scared her daughter's going to get bum raped in the student union bar toilets. But is still committed to her pride and joy branching out into the mystery of adult life where she can learn to live the British life more towards the top of the layer cake. She'll do that by having sex with various...

Well anyway, back to the mother. Suffice to say that in the meantime, there was no fucking way her daughter was going to make such abhorrent choices in such vital matters as desklamps whether they used uber-sustainable light bulbs or not or whether they were all made in China.

Ironic.

I mean the words China and sustainability .in the same sentence.
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Prophecy of the doomed

2011-07-23T16:03:00.001-07:00

My attendance yesterday at a conference at which we presented a paper reminded me of a story I once heard from a close colleague of mine who gave a similar sort of thing in Holland.

The account in a small tavern in the Swiss Alps in the small hours of the morning after all but the most hardened associates had given up the ghost and turned in to their bunks.

Zachary Ramekin munched on his authentic, handmade, wood-oven-baked Tunisian pizza and stared into space as the mozzarella dripped onto his beard and he began:

'As I was driving through Leiden onto the road where the conference centre was reportedly to be found, my passenger bellowed almost audibly above the blaring chorus of "Smoke on the water".

'As your seminar track co-presenter, I strongly advise you to take a hit from that huge spliff in the glove compartment!"

No! There's only ONE cure for bad writing...boo hooo

------------------

Letter of note

2011-07-20T00:41:00.001-07:00

This came up on Twitter today. Letter from Hunter to William McKeen following his publication of his biography, reads:

— McKeen, you shit-eating freak. I warned you not to write that vicious trash about me —

Now you better get fitted for a black eyepatch in case one of yours gets gouged out by a bushy-haired stranger in a dimly-lit parking lot. How fast can you learn Braille?

You are scum.

HST

Check out the link below for a view of the image of the letter:

http://www.lettersofnote.com/2011/07/you-are-scum.html?m=1
------------------

Paul Simon talks to Lorne Michaels

2011-07-19T13:11:00.001-07:00

I just watched this on Sky Atlantic and saw the iconic musician with 40 hits to his name and the producer of Saturday Night talking together as good personal friends and performers with over 30 years of history working together.

It was said of Paul Simon that he didn't like to repeat himself and constantly worked on reinventing what he did.

Lorne Michaels said of Paul Simon that he wanted to express the age he WAS. Paul Simon said of Lorne Michaels that he wanted to express the age he LIVED IN.

Lorne Michaels said we were conditioned to think the best time of our lives began between the ages of 18 and 20 but that it may start anytime, and often surprise us when it does.
------------------

TV Pitch Proposal - Masterchef - a line extension

2011-07-11T15:15:00.001-07:00

Soon to be launched line extension to the popular Masterchef franchise is the new show "MasterWasherUp-er" which may air in early Spring 2012.

The show, which some are heralding as "the only natural spin off" to its much exploited parent, will see contestants pull out all the stops to battle head to head to the finish over six weeks of gruelling competition to establish who can indeed claim to be the best cleaner of the crockery and pans used by Masterchef contestants in their competition.

This clever move by TV executives sees a possibility of targeting as yet untapped potential viewer demographics. Possible judges who've been tipped for the coveted top spots on the show include Ainsley and Lenny. Bill and Chris have also been named as possible figureheads for a future USA version of the show.

Paul the cab driver was recently quoted as saying "I've not heard of this idea before you mentioned it just now, but I certainly think it could be winner if carried off successfully."
------------------

Commons

2011-07-11T14:59:00.000-07:00

Text is available under the Creative Commons Attribution/Share-Alike License; additional terms may apply. See Terms of Use for details. The Gonzo Lecture is a registered trademark of the Gonzo Lecture Foundation, Inc., a non-profit organization.

None of the above information is true, at all.
------------------

He does it again

2011-07-11T14:53:00.000-07:00

The price comparison machine does it again.

Apparently he's been hired by Asda and Tesco to stack those persuasive green vs blue shopping baskets at the end of every week.

Another great example of how NOT to carry out a price promotion.
------------------

Dreams

2011-07-11T00:38:00.001-07:00

So I had a dream last night about Hunter. We were staying for some reason with Lucy, an old schoolfriend of mine.

We were chatting together in Lucy's overgrown garden. All I could think of was - this'd kill Rory.

Anyway, my car died on the hard shoulder of the M2 last Wednesday. One Call charged me £50 for recovery - not the type of service I'd expect from the "Platinum" cover the scumbag salesman (air-in, lies-out) who sold it me promised.

When some poor, unfortunate mom of two type from some former industrial, northern town called me in the middle of my mid-afternoon nap the very next day from her friendly, neighbourhood call-centre to extract the money from me, I'm afraid I had a bit of a go.

Especially when she said "we do try our best!"

"You might" I answered "as a person, that is." There was silence on the other end of the line. "One-Call Insurance don't try. Not at all. In fact, if they were the last company on earth, I would recommend them."

I then went into a fairly long rant about an incident the previous Sunday that had seen me accidentally smack my Lithuanian neighbour's Audi with a Luton panel van. To cut short a long one, it resulted in his wife screaming at me, stating that all English were on drugs anyway and summoning her husband who looked like he'd been stirred from sleeping off a bender.

He told me his father had died the previous night and that this situation wasn't improving his mood much. He then took my insurance details. He returned having called my insurance, relaying some fable regarding their advice which was to promptly call the cops on me, which we mutually agreed wasn't particularly helpful or supportive of them.

He demanded £500 cash, promising the whole matter would go no further and that the money would help him to return that evening to his country to assume management of his family's 16 flower shops. I'm not making any of this up.

So there I am, instead of trying to move our family from our horrid rental property in middle poo-town to our beautiful oasis view in clungeville, I'm sitting at my shortly to be removed kitchen table scribbling on the back of some old lecture notes (because it's the only paper I can find) some legalesque-sounding shite for him to sign to say he won't sue me after almost extorting my money from me. The moving crew are sitting having a smoke in 35 degrees on the porch as there's nothing happening and my partner's running around lower poo-land trying to lay her hands on 500 notes.
Well anyway, now after standing for a while on the hard shoulder of the M2 next to my dead Nissan, I'm sitting on the 286 bus with the unfortunates for whom life either hasn't worked out yet, or never will. It stinks of London humanity. Fortunately I generously slid up my seat for a flower of a young virgin to sit beside me. She smells sweet and so far has managed to block out the council house musk which has been gradually dissipating as we approach the campus.

There are benefits to teaching in a classy town, even if I can't afford to live in one.

Off now to learn the mysteries of Nvivo...
------------------

Excellent

2011-07-06T11:12:00.001-07:00

I'm presently visiting a school which is putting on a theatrical presentation for parents to celebrate the "excellence" of their product.

The programme notes special accolade for the friends of the school for their "excellent refreshments" which I have partaken of and consisted of a can of Tango and a bag of Skips which I paid for in addition to the ticket.

I'm just struck by the impolite way staff seem to interact with parents - as if by dealing with 5 year olds all day gives them the idea we all like being ordered around gruffly. I couldn't get any service at the excellent refreshments table in the car so basically helped myself and tossed my fiver at the kid the interested parents were supposed to be helping. A row parents looked startled as someone leaned over to ask them something. I joked they thought the guy had announced a passport check - that didn't go down with my partner.

My step kids are moving shortly to a nice school in our new neighbourhood. They'll be well away from this hellish government project where many don't speak English properly and 8 year olds can't tell the time yet.

They probably should consider switching emphasis with the event and put a mock fast food service outlet in the hall where the better students can take food order, manage time and learn to count money. They could put the choir in the car park.

That'd be excellent and much more useful.
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Fw: [New post] Volunteering and Events Management education

2011-07-06T03:02:00.001-07:00

------------------

From: James Kennell <no-reply@wordpress.com>

Date: Wed, 6 Jul 2011 10:01:24 +0000

To: <thegonzolecture@gmail.com>

Subject: [New post] Volunteering and Events Management education

Volunteering and Events Management education

James Kennell | July 6, 2011 at 10:01 am | Tags: big society, conferences, economic crisis, events management, olympics, presentations, volunteering | Categories: 2012, conferences, economic crisis, events management, policy | URL: http://wp.me/p6cor-9N

This is the presentation that Charles Bladen and I gaave at yesterday's SHIFT 2011 conference at the University of Greenwich. It sets out some of the framework of ideas behind a research project that we are developing, in which we are taking a critical perpsective on the ethics and practicalities of voluneering by event managemnt students and graduates.

Add a comment to this post

Trouble clicking? Copy and paste this URL into your browser: http://subscribe.wordpress.com

Gonzo teacher training quote of the week

2011-07-06T00:29:00.001-07:00

Good morning everybody. Glad you could all come to this training session.

The reason I decided to hold this session is because most of clearly don't know the difference between a learning outcome and a pop tart.

Just to give you a hint: pop tarts are frosted.

- Actual quote taken from staff development 2001 - reference adapted from Cartman (1993)
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Why bother?

2011-07-05T12:02:00.000-07:00

One guy I've got time for is one who actually seems to understand actual things and the way they actually work. I was with him earlier, and a little worse for wear. Whilst chugging huge quantities of Monster low carb in an attempt to get some of handle back on the day, he pointed out the sign in the motorway services as we passed by.

He said "why bother?". He pointed out the most useless offer on the planet. Who'd want £1 off 2 fish and chip meals?

He imagined a management meeting of motorway services-type executives brainstorming to generate big answers to the big question "how do we sell more fish dinners?" Then the business solution arrives: keep selling each meal at the retail price of £5.99, however if they want 2, then take £1 off as discount and sell for £11. Unless they want bread and butter, that is, and then charge them £1.

I just couldn't stop sniggering. You know in that embarrassingly loud, stupid way that you can't stop?
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New and improved?

2011-07-05T11:45:00.001-07:00

It's strange that a university would go to the trouble to hire a "specialist" from industry for some applied teaching in the business realm.

Then only to sit with such a one and in a few minutes to be enjoying once again a trip down memory lane as I hear all the thing I used to say in the mid nineties when teaching all these generic, MBA-type course he's been teaching for a while. Rather curious to see such a one, eyes gleaming as he shamelessly plagiarises the same old writers that have been regurgitating the same old crap for decades in the name of new and improved knowledge.

Starts me wondering where we're going with all this - what are we trying to achieve - and soon: what will students be paying for?

There may be trouble ahead...
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Parting is such sweet sorrow

2011-06-29T06:42:00.000-07:00

We leave this quaint hamlet and suburb of the great metropolis today. The silent smiles of our dear children are drowned out by the sobs of the angels as they look on, distraught that good has finally surrendered yet another once happy community to the impending swirl of darkness and evil that has gradually engulfed and consumed neighbouring towns.

We are away now to our cheaper, bigger, nicer house. The new neighbours already popped round with wine, welcome cards, big grins and specific parking instructions. We look forward to clean air, large trees, the rustling sound of the breeze as it passes by the rich leaves and foliage. No more rasta music and the smell of skunk at 3am on a school night. Just silence, and the giggling of small children as they play joyfully together and safely in the summer evening sunshine. This is still a great English community.

Before I leave, I did want to update you about the status of my next door neighbour's garden (see picture). As you can see, it's coming along a treat.

Goodbye. I'm going home, I've done my time. Let the riots and murder begin...
------------------

It's all making perfect sense, really

2011-06-26T23:53:00.000-07:00

------------------

"external examiner" from Urban Dictionary

2011-06-15T02:51:00.001-07:00

What's up! thegonzolecture@gmail.com sent you a definition:

external examiner

Someone appointed from another institution by a university to question every little, trivial detail of an assessment or graded paper in order to justify their own hefty stipend, make lecturers' lives annoyingly miserable (thus reminding them they are still only employees) and to feign the appearance of academic quality.

Elvira: Leo the external examiner has returned your examination for review because some of the questions require commas to be added. Make sure you do this before you leave the office at 2.30pm today.

Chuck: If all Leo has to do for his money is correct my grammar, then I'd be grateful if you'd ask him to stick that examination paper up his fat arse.

Order external examiner mugs, mousepads and more on urbandictionary.com.

Bob Dylan...an update

2011-06-15T02:40:00.001-07:00

My dear Professor,

Good to talk to you last night.

On the subject of Mr Dillon and Disney: didn't I see the old rocker on stage with the last Pope singing "Stairway to Heaven"?

I do know Hunter S Thompson once held Bob in high regard (hence my current blog event involving the use of the Mr Tambourine Man record cover) but maybe he needs his rep looking at.

I liked your email though, very interesting. Harks back to my original "Gonzo" paper when I spoke of gonzo chefs. Mr Oliver's secret in engaging the populace and politicians alike has to be in his liberal use of the word "fuck" in every other sentence.

What we can say is that Jamie is much nicer than that loathsome Ramsey fellow who's shot his bolt so badly he's apparently had to move to the states where they don't know him so well. Also in the states is the man's work, not his person that counts - hence references to Bill Clinton as the president of international diplomacy rather than the debaucher of young girls.

Frankly though, in a society where something like 9 out of ten schoolchildren would reportedly prefer to have the "x-factor" than a strong education (or something or other, I can't remember) then what can we reasonably expect about the influence of the cult of the celebrity. For goodness sake, even my dear mother gets me to buy her Jamie Oliver for xmas...

Stay away from Catholics though, especially ones appearing to espouse the virtues of revolution...

All my best, Professor Gonzo.

[NOTE TO READER: THE ABOVE REPLY WAS IN ANSWER THE EMAIL BELOW]

-------------------------------

Education Committee

Select Committee Announcement
10 June 2011
For Immediate Release:

EDUCATION COMMITTEE TO TAKE EVIDENCE ON ‘JAMIE’S DREAM SCHOOL’

Tuesday 21 June 2011

Venue to be confirmed

Following the recent Channel 4 series ‘Jamie’s Dream School’, members of the House of Commons Education Select Committee will be meeting teachers and students from the programme in a one-off public session on Tuesday 21^st June.

Witnesses

At 10am, the Committee will take evidence from five of the students at Dream School. At around 10.45am, the witness stand will be taken by six of the Dream School teachers:

John D’Abbro OBE, currently headteacher, New Rush Hall Group
Jazzie B OBE, DJ, entrepreneur and musician
Mary Beard FBA, Professor of Classics, University of Cambridge
Alvin Hall, financial adviser, author and broadcaster
Dr David Starkey CBE, historian and broadcaster
Lord Winston, Professor of Science and Society, Imperial College London

Purpose of the session

Whilst Dream School only had twenty students, many of the challenges faced by them and their teachers are found across the UK and in other schools and colleges as well. The Education Committee regularly meets with representatives from across the education sector, including students, parents, teachers, social workers, inspectors and academics.

On 21^st June, Committee members will therefore seek to gain a different perspective from the Dream School staff – who are not trained teachers but who gave up their time to the project – and from students who, for whatever reason, did not achieve during their formal schooling.

Amongst the issues the Committee will explore are behaviour and discipline (a recurring theme in the series), curriculum and qualifications (including the importance of creative and practical learning), and teacher training and autonomy (in light of the Government’s Free Schools and Academies programmes).

Background

In the series, chef and broadcaster Jamie Oliver founded a school for two months where twenty young people without formal qualifications, or who had experienced trouble at school, were taught by a group of eminent experts from a range of fields, in an attempt to re-engage the young people with learning. The Education Committee wants to hear the students’ and teachers’ experiences of Dream School, and the lessons they learnt from it, as well as the impact it has had on their lives since.

Further information

For more information or press inquiries, please contact the Committee’s media officer, Becky Jones, at jonesbl@parliament.uk.

COMMITTEE INFORMATION:

If you wish to attend a meeting of the Committee please check beforehand that the location has not changed. Room numbers are subject to change at short notice.

Committee Membership is as follows:
Mr Graham Stuart (Chair), Conservative, Beverley and Holderness
Neil Carmichael, Conservative, Stroud
Nic Dakin, Labour, Scunthorpe
Bill Esterson, Labour, Sefton Central
Pat Glass, Labour, North West Durham
Damian Hinds, Conservative, East Hampshire
Charlotte Leslie, Conservative, Bristol North West
Ian Mearns, Labour, Gateshead
Tessa Munt, Liberal Democrat, Wells
Lisa Nandy, Labour, Wigan
Craig Whittaker, Conservative, Calder Valley

Specific Committee Information: educom@parliament.uk / 020 7219 6181

Media Information: Rebecca Jones, Jonesbl@parliament.uk / 020 7219 5693

Committee Website: www.parliament.uk/education-committee

Watch committees and parliamentary debates online: www.parliamentlive.tv

Publications / Reports / Reference Material: Copies of all select committee reports are available from the Parliamentary Bookshop (12 Bridge St, Westminster, 020 7219 3890) or the Stationery Office (0845 7023474). Committee reports, press releases, evidence transcripts, Bills; research papers, a directory of MPs, plus Hansard (from 8am daily) and much more, can be found on www.parliament.uk

Outrage in the city

2011-06-14T03:58:00.000-07:00

I was outraged at this sign outside the campus. It's tragic to see these degrading acts, now so commonplace in our once civilised society.

Have you seen the state of the grammar used?

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Check out Hilary Powell's blog...

2011-06-14T02:43:00.000-07:00

http://hilarypowell.com/

Resistance is futile!

2011-06-09T02:10:00.000-07:00

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The slag in the hat

2011-06-09T01:59:00.001-07:00

There's a slag in a hat
Fancy that!
Talking in loud prose about her insecurity and sadness
She's played the game and now she's alone in her thirties, just at the time it's all supposed to pay off.
She has her cat and her soaps
And now she talks like a soap character and fucks like a cat
Fancy that?
With any guy who pays her a complement
She's the quick shag
She's the slag in the hat
Thank God for that hat...
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HST & the Music of the Sixties

2011-06-07T13:53:00.000-07:00

Check out this lengthy post about Hunter, gonzo and music....

http://www.beatdom.com/?p=786

Please check this out....

2011-06-07T13:47:00.001-07:00

http://www.energyshare.com/glyndon-community/

Professor Gonzo Recommends

2011-06-07T13:03:00.001-07:00

I recommend The Astrosaurs series of children's books for the 7-9 age range. Good male and female role-models, with interesting plot twists. They are seriously well written by author Steve Cole.

I don't get anything for my recommendation. I just think they're great.

http://www.stevecolebooks.co.uk/series/astrosaurs/books/Astrosaurs-The-Terror-Bird-Trap/

Idiot's guide

2011-06-07T02:02:00.001-07:00

Mildred sat at her desk. Her doctoral studies where not progressing smoothly. She had noticed over the last three years how everyone had developed a unique skill. That was what teamwork was always about: bringing your strengths to offset the weaknesses' of others.

The problem was, as Mildred realised everyone else had figured out even before she had, she had no skills. There was nothing unique about her - perhaps apart from her unsurpassed talent for masking her innate stupidity from the doctoral programme's admissions board. Never before had a candidate been so woefully unable to perform, yet so effective at concealment of this most obvious fact.

However, another strength was her averageness. Her ability to identify with the common weaknesses of others. The truth was her lecturers wanted to feel more useful than even she did. Therefore her escape was in finding the next key question they wanted to spend hours answering for her. As long as Mildred asked Keep questions, the longer they'd insist displaying to her their knowledge and she could continue to know nothing.

So she began to type her next, annoying email...
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All good fun

2011-06-01T00:47:00.000-07:00

What were they doing up there in the Space Shuttle anyway?

Why have they implemented swearing fines in Barnsley? Isn't it better to try to preserve the ambience of genuine shit-holes so that the rest of the country can continue to appear nice to live in. Apart from Liverpool, of course.

Why is a further "X-Men" movie necessary? Especially a prequel. Especially as the others were so lame. Especially as this one doesn't seem to have Halle Berry in it.
Why do we need a long discussion by a middle-class dick hole who spent thousands of pounds he couldn't afford on Olympic Games tickets in the lottery?

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Weird Shit

2011-05-27T01:51:00.002-07:00

Considering the weird shit that's been coming outta here lately, I wanted to draw your attention to the "gonzo wikipedia" site known as uncyclopedia.wikia.com.

This link can take you to their f-d up page on Hunter S Thompson...weird.

I mean this link:

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Hunter_S._Thompson
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Dated (please see envelope)

2011-05-27T00:19:00.001-07:00

Dear Mr Penfold Modicum,

It is with regret that I find myself forced once again to contact you regarding your professional conduct as Revenue Undermanager, here at Coleface Institute of Higher Education.

It has been brought to my attention that your amoral business dealings with our external stakeholders, have again led you to misrepresent your position of responsibility and the views of our organisation.

According to a rather heated report received last week by this office, you apparently suggested to a telephone caller from "Happy Days," the official newsletter of the Coleface Chamber of Commerce, that you were somehow our Public Relations director and therefore in possession of the capacity to officially spin sound-bytes on our behalf.

I refer particularly to your misguided comments about recent outrages experienced by attendees at an "Stratford Old Sailors' Fundraiser" which it later emerged you yourself were actually tasked with organising.

The advertising for this rather poorly attended event suggested that the public should "sign up for a once in a lifetime experience to meet a leading member of Lady Gaga's communications team" and also inviting them to "sample some of the saltiest sea dogs ever seen in east London."

Though both represent rather bizarre spins on the event's catering and entertainment provisions, this remains a rather uncomfortable side issue. However, as a side-note, concert leaflet distribution doesn't really constitute corporate communications at all.

The major problem seems to focus on a fundraising table at the event which apparently boasted a sign which should have stated "Seaman Collection Here."

We do ask in future that you do not use student volunteers to prepare this sort of important copy. Also, please adhere to your official remit to avoid possible further legal complications.

Kindest regards,
Beatrice Ubermensche
Personnel Officer
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Dating An Emotionally Abusive Man « Thought Catalog

2011-05-24T09:52:00.001-07:00

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/dating-an-emotionally-abusive-man/

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Branding

2011-05-17T01:55:00.001-07:00

I'm just walking from my free parking space in a residential area through the park on my way to campus. The blood-sucking council in these parts has elected to reduce demand and increase revenue per available parking space hour (revpapsh [TM]) by whacking up fees from £7 per day to £2 per hour, which isn't helping increasing my presence on campus much these days.

Whilst undergoing my newfound, 20 minute exercise programme - Stephan Wheep, the new university director of walking will approve - I saw a typical white van with the innovative tag line written across its back doors stating: "Fire extinguisher maintenance - working to keep you safe." My natural thought was "are you presuming to speak directly to me?" Following this, I thought it was a super idea. From now on, when the driver cuts me up in traffic, instead of bibbing horns and getting generally lairy, I can now rest in peace with the thought that he's on hi way to provide some sort of public service to anybody who might be afraid of being horribly burned to death one day in an unexpected fire. That's got to be pretty much everybody, isn't it?

So it got me thinking more about my own place in this world. I've therefore decided to have emblazoned on my own vehicle to words "University Educator: resolving all your parental fuck-ups."

The trees in this park are lovely though...
------------------

Tweet from @BBCr4today

2011-05-13T00:44:00.000-07:00

@BBCr4today: This government, like the last "reduces education to a kind of factory process", says Master of Wellington College Anthony Seldon

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Smoking is bad for you

2011-05-09T23:09:00.001-07:00

@MisterExxx: Photo: "The Divine Kush & Cleavage Of A Goddess" Model: Smoking Mary Jane ( @smokingmaryjane ) Photography:... http://tumblr.com/xvv2gjvp00

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University honorary degree withheld...

2011-05-09T09:26:00.001-07:00

Tony Kushner snub over 'anti-Israel' views reconsidered by university http://gu.com/p/2pxx9/tf
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The Nick Clegg Award

2011-05-06T00:01:00.001-07:00

I'm sorry to sound gloating, but I'd like to point out something simple. Obama was heralded as the saviour of the US political system. I said in far advance of the presidential elections that you couldn't see a change in the political system until you changed the political system. I said Obama would prove to be a paralysed, lame duck. I think I've been proved right.

Nadine Dorries, (ahh...bless) aka "Torybarbie" was located by this blog as a media-hungry, self-publicising bobblehead. She's since continued to call for abstinence to sex education for girls only in schools. Bobblehead.

However, one politician has exceeded even my expectations and predictions. Nick Clegg, the underground Tory and over privileged leader of a hitherto little-known party called the Lib Dems, has managed to completely alienate the country.

I made sure to point out well before last year's general election that Clegg always sought power at any cost. He always placed image before substance and power before principles. It was still a great surprise to see him bed down with the conservative party following an indecisive general election result which saw no party clearly elected. The only clear verdict was that the country didn't want Brown.

However, it was quite astonishing to see the LibDems prove themselves liars and completely dropping their campaign promises by u-turning on key policies, adopting those of their new Tory counterparts. University tuition fees. Disgusting.

Well now the country has given Nick Clegg a round and decisive kicking.

Well done Nick Clegg. Despite Ed Milliband's tepidity thus far, the Labour Party's electoral resurgence is thanks to you.

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Tweet from @tabloidwatch

2011-05-05T10:41:00.001-07:00

@tabloidwatch: Did 'health and safety' ruin a grandmother's funeral? http://bit.ly/kwC2Y9

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Academic Ramblings: William and Osama and Jean

2011-05-03T07:25:00.001-07:00

Professor Gonzo wrote:

My dearest Professor Beavis, I trust the weekend went well for you. I hope you enjoyed the Royal Wedding. Wasn't it glorious!

Professor Beavis wrote:

Pretty good event management of Royal Wedding/ assassination of Bin Laden etc – it's all event management/ is this what Baudrillard (was it) meant by the simulacrum/ society of the spectacle?

Professor Gonzo wrote:

Yes indeed. And sorcery. I like the way the yanks held off blowing up BL's bunker from Friday so as not to grab the headlines away from the young couple's day and the nation consummate joy. As Tarlow talks about the hijacking of the event's legacy.

All this twoddle about not showing BL's body to the world via the media. One simple call to Al Jazeera should fix that, considering their recent revised business definition was apparently "we've been showing dead bodies in the public interest on your TV screens since 1996 - never knowingly underplayed".

Professor Beavis wrote:

Gonzo! We must meet soon! Kindest regards, Prof Beavis.
------------------

Congratulations

2011-05-03T05:10:00.001-07:00

Email of the week goes to Prof Plato Schvitzer for sending the largest number of attachments on a single email for the month of May.

Details can be found in my trash box.
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Roberto Assagioli

2011-05-03T03:10:00.001-07:00

'From the past, for the present, into the future' Roberto Assagioli.
------------------

I knew Taco Bell posed health risks, but:

2011-04-29T12:07:00.001-07:00

The following post leads to a rather disturbing story of where fizzy drinks, tacos and summary dismissal from the public education system can actually lead.

@ThoughtCatalog: Teacher Walks Around Elementary School in the Nude After Reaching "New Level of Enlightenment" http://bit.ly/iiS3VR

------------------

Professor Mike Weed

2011-04-29T11:55:00.001-07:00

Do Big Crowds Mean a Royal Resurgence or a London 2012 Legacy? No! Its the Occasion, Stupid!: http://wp.me/p1jx2K-3p

I'd like to recommend this blog to you. Prof Weed is referenced in our upcoming book copiously (also positively - unlike Glenn Somethingorother).

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Dreamland

2011-04-29T08:06:00.000-07:00

Well this IS fun. Not too bad for an outlaw academic who for so many years couldn't escape the gonzo of the personal colliding with the professional and vice-versa.

Kim's gone off with the boys to find fishes in rockpools and I'm minding Freya. The beach is breezy but quite warm and almost deserted as the rest of the world huddles in front of their TVs consuming the relaunch of the new an improved Royal Family.

The Winsors: the next generation.

All that's left for me to do, is have a snooze...

------------------

We've been asking for weeks what the lady of the hour'll be wearing.

2011-04-29T06:20:00.001-07:00

Latest Gonzo scoop...
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Off to the beach

2011-04-29T06:10:00.001-07:00

Always wondered what academics do with those incredibly long holidays?

We go to the beach, of course. In this picture, we can see the happy family drive through the Garden of England to our beautiful, ice-cream laden destination.

Nothing like it. Much better than listening to where our £10m went...

------------------

Our neighbourhood

2011-04-29T05:31:00.000-07:00

Nice, quiet, Kentish street we live on. There's been much hub-bub in the British media about the number of street parties that'd be springin up today in such streets like a rash of red, white and blue mushrooms.

However, I'm not seeing any evidence of such festivities round here. I suppose there's perhaps less call for that sort of thing among the Jamaican or Pakistani residents, but I did expect a better showing from the white-van contingent.

We moved here about a year ago when my ex-wife and I split and I decided to move in with my new family. We've been renting since and I've still had the opportunity to pay into the mortgage on the house in which my ex resided until yesterday when contracts of sale completed. It's all a long story, and not easy to do on a uni-teaching salary.

Anyway, what I have noticed about our neighbourhood is a rather strange view of neighbourliness. A few weeks ago, the neighbours across the way decided to give up the ghost and get out of their house they've been desperate to sell throughout the present housing market downturn.

I can't really blame them for that, as their next-door neighbours are clearly dope dealers, I suspect. Sheets over the windows, cars pulling up at all hours of the night, gangs of hoody-type fellows sitting in the garden blasting out "ganja-man" type music til 4am and then nothing til 3pm the next afternoon, when it all starts again. For sure, every little thing ain't gonna be alright.

One might be forgiven for thinking one might want to smash the tallest, loudest fella over the back of the head with a plank of wood with a large nail in it, but that's not my way these days. I just do as all British people who work do. I move. We'll all move away from here shortly, I promise.

But back to the departed neighbours. Their house is now boarded up and their garden rapidly overgrown. Recently I noticed the back gate open. When I looked inside, I noticed various piles of junk had been deposited there.

This has since developed into a wholesale dumping ground. This morning I observed that the sales agent had presumably nailed the back gate shut. So whoever is dumping their shit has begun to do so outside the gate.

Merry old England. We're £10bn down again today and I'm feelin so proud.

Screw you guys, I'm off to the beach.

------------------

Chat with Daniella on 29/4/2011

2011-04-29T04:54:00.001-07:00

Daniella:

Our links dem mad up inna Earth: On a real people... Who is paying 4da royal wedding?
Did u knw it is da taxpayers dat wil b payin 4da 'lavish' $48million dollar ceremony rathr dan da royal family demselves?
Did u knw we already pay £40million a year 2maintain da royal family?
Did u knw da 1day holiday 4 da weddin wil cost britain $10billion?
& dis is all while britain is drownin in its economic problem & while der r more dan 2.5million britons unemployd!
Shame on da royal family, dis is a not a day 2 celebr8!

Gonzo:

Well, what did you
think of the dress then?

------------------

Filming tips

2011-04-29T00:37:00.000-07:00

On the eve of this historic occasion, I can't stop pissing myself.

A certain royal correspondent keeps appearing, cool as a cucumber, giving us his view of these money-wasting, populace-fogging proceedings.

I recall an incident which happened with that very man not twenty years ago.

I was involved with a film crew, making a promotional video for a certain London hotel when we received word that this news-celebrity - I think he actually anchored the evening news at the time - was with his own crew on the premises.

In the course of this project, I was wandering through the spa area, past a jacuzzi and saw the star himself alone, up to his neck in the waters.

I made sure to pass him, before ostentatiously turning to stare directly at him in a sort of enquiring "oh gosh, you're that chappy off the news, aren't you?" kind of look. He replied with an audible huff, eyes rolling towards the ceiling with a sort of "deary-me, I can't go anywhere without my awesome celebrity being registered"-type demeanour.

That was enjoyable enough, but then the lead cameraman, in his quest to assess the suitability of lighting in each area, innocently (or perhaps naively) wandered into the spa changing rooms just as this celebrity was standing there in the buff.

You should have heard the echo made as the shit flew towards and then spectacularly hit the fan. There were people running everywhere. All I had was this really fat man in my face shouting "Do you realise that (name withheld -ed) is in that changing room and he doesn't appreciate being filmed by your cameras while he's getting changed!!!"

Still makes me laugh my head off when I see that grandiose symbol of the public broadcasting system pontificating about royal factoids that he just read on Reuters.

Needless to say, I don't need to imagine him with his pants round his ankles...

------------------

Fever pitch

2011-04-28T01:50:00.001-07:00

------------------

Snub

2011-04-27T16:20:00.000-07:00

Royal wedding snub for Blair and Brown criticised by ministers http://gu.com/p/2zyk6/tf
------------------

Groundbreaking Olympic Work:Documenting the Beijing Olympics (Sportin the Global Society - Contemporary Perspectives) [Hardcover] D.P. Martinez(Editor), Kevin Latham (Editor)

2011-04-26T01:26:00.001-07:00

I'd like to draw the following, groundbreaking book to the attention of all my readers. I'd particularly encourage you all to buy a copy today.

Documenting the Beijing Olympics (Sport in the Global Society - Contemporary Perspectives) [Hardcover]
D.P. Martinez (Editor), Kevin Latham (Editor)

This book focuses on the processes of documenting the Beijing Olympics – ranging from the visual (television and film) to radio and the written word – and the meanings generated by such representations. What were the 'key' stories and how were they chosen? What was dramatised? Who were the heroes? Which 'clashes' were highlighted and how? What sorts of stories did the notion of 'human interest' generate? Did politics take a backseat or was the topic highlighted repeatedly? Thus, the focus was not on the success or failure of this event, but on the ways in which the Olympics Games, as international and historic events, are memorialised by observers.

The key question that this book addresses is: How far would the Olympic coverage fall into the patterns of representation that have come to dominate Olympic reporting and what would China, as a discursive subject, bring to these patterns?

This book was previously published as a special issue of Sport in Society.

About the Author
D. P. Martinez is Reader in Anthropology with special reference to Japan at the department of Anthropology, SOAS.

ISBN-10: 9780415575485
http://www.amazon.com/Documenting-Beijing-Olympics-Global-Society/dp/0415575486/ref=sr_1_1?_encoding=UTF8&s=books&qid=1303805420&sr=1-1&al_rs=#al_rp
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Tweet from @ThoughtCatalog

2011-04-22T10:14:00.001-07:00

@ThoughtCatalog: A Hipster's Guide to Summer Festivals http://bit.ly/hg5jRz

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Tweet from @ThoughtCatalog

2011-04-21T15:08:00.001-07:00

@ThoughtCatalog: Rutgers Student Charged With Hate Crime for Inadvertently Inciting Suicide via Twitter http://bit.ly/iby79P

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Sweet

2011-04-18T00:15:00.001-07:00

I must be listening to too much Joni Mitchell or something, but I'm coming over all gooey.

We arrived yesterday at my parents and we'll be staying a few days here. We took about 3 and a half hours to drive, followed by an impromtu stop-off at a local Italian.

So Kim and the two boys, with me carrying the baby, clambered into the foyer of this little restaurant which was fairly full of romantically-dining couples staring at one another across candlelit tables. I was true to form, sporting khaki combat shorts, lonsdale t-shirt and tattoos right out. I think the tubby owner might have been justified to have immediately categorised me as straight in from chavsville. Eitherway, he whisked us away from his core target markets to seat us all in a separate "screaming" kids section on our own.

The kids don't scream. The boys explored the menu, wondering what "Apperitifo" meant, until the garlic bread with cheese arrived - the bubbly kind made a few minutes ago by some chef from Italy - not the prefab Pizza Hut kind. Followed by real-risotto, with huge prawns, squid and the biggest coquille saint jacques I've certainly ever bitten into. They do have a kiddies menu. Though Sol had a burger and fries, despite my best coaxing towards something more exotic, when it came it was a burger someone had made in the kitchen with fries that had come from real potatoes which had never once been freeze dried.

I generously agreed to spread the word. You can find Marco Marco Italian Restaurant at the following link:

http://www.marcomarco.co.uk/

I have to say, I love term-breaks. Even better now since I have a family to spend time with, and an editor who doesn't mind laying off me for an extra month, despite the fact we agreed the final book draft would be delivered at the start of May. My fellow author Emma just said she was off travelling for a while and Nick had already disappeared by the time the subject of this deadline was broached.

The most important path to tranquillity I've recently discovered is working out how to shut off the Blackberry forwarding service display for my university email account messages. Bliss.

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The Blogger’s Strike | Guy Fawkes' blog

2011-04-13T05:54:00.001-07:00

This is an interesting blog post. It's certainly made me think harder about how much salary I draw...

http://order-order.com/2011/04/13/the-bloggers-strike/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+guidofawkes+%28Guy+Fawkes%27+blog+of+parliamentary+plots%2C+rumours+and+conspiracy%29

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Doing a geographical

2011-04-13T05:38:00.001-07:00

I see from one of the reviews of one of the papers that Ramsey's reportedly buying an 11m mansion in the USA.

The reason given by a media pundit (aka. a moron who can't really do the stuff, just reports about reports) is that "revelations" about his adulterous philanderings have gone more unnoticed there than here in the UK.

Having seen "Restaurant Nightmares USA" I imagine Ramsey in general has gone largely more unnoticed USA-ward than he has here.

Also, there's another thought I had about this. I wrote a paper a few years ago about gonzo culture and mentioned Ramsey, or someone like him by implication. It was as a reaction to the prissyness of TV chefs such as Gary Rhodes. Middle class, polite, hardworking, smiling, cookery poster-boy is replaced by angry, "fuck"-spurting prima donna.

Most chefs I met are probably more the latter anyway. Certainly I never encountered a single la-de-da, nice chappy, chef-type. They were nearly all knife-throwing, nasty types.

Ramsey's obviously really talented. I just think his manner, humour, approach and overall "restaurant-rescuing" business just went out of fashion.

Let's face it, the man with all the answers seems to have had business problems of his own lately. He also seems to have gone from being the man who'll tell the truth no matter how uncomfortable it is, to the man who might not tell the truth everytime about certain things to certain people.

In the economic downturn, nobody wants a reminder about how crappy it is to run a business. Also, people want hope, not despair. That's why I think Ramsey's major rivals such as Jamie Oliver and Marco Pierre White seem to have done better. Jamie's always had a laugh at himself. He sucessfully runs businesses but is known overall more for his healthy eating campaigns and general "good-eggedness" toward those less fortunates. Marco's revamped his image of late from the bullying "I'm the best thing ever" we saw in the 80s to the seeming self-effacing family man of the Knorr commercials.

I think the problem might be that doing a geographical to the States will only work for Ramsey if he undergoes some actual change himself.

Otherwise, he might take his worst problem with him.
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Oasis

2011-04-13T05:07:00.000-07:00

I'm just watching the "Dave Fanning Interview" with Oasis' Noel Gallagher and it's firing off neurons in my brain, or whatever.

It seems to me that once you crop off all the shite contributed to the public persona of the pair by Liam, (who I've always had a bit of a problem with), you're left with Noel - obviously. If those are my last words, I can do better.

However, it seems to me that there's a number of thoughts worth putting into words about Noel Gallagher's mindset, background, talent and product. That was a linear flow chart, if you weren't paying attention.

This interview is pre-break up. Now, you need to bear in mind in my whole analysis of this that the nineties in general were a mute point as I can't really remember them. However, there is some resulting aftermath I have made sense of, which is labelled by the dimwits in the media as the "Britpop Revolution" or something.

What struck me was somethings Noel said. He said it wasn't song lyrics that were important but the way the music made you feel. He said that if Morrisey could play the guitar, his songs would be quite different.

He also said the kids are a great leveller.

I have a lot of thoughts around his views and a totally different thought that Liam Gallagher is one of the best singers ever. There certainly remains a huge difference between being outrageous and being creative.

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The Alternative Vote Referendum

2011-04-05T04:58:00.001-07:00

As the coalition government seems to continue its only true path, it seems a perfect opportunity to de-stabilise it terminally by voting NO in the coming referendum.

The AV was a major campaigning platform of those liars Nick Clegg and his LibDem party. It was also something opposed all along by Cameron. Ed Milliband, the hitherto useless Labour leader supports it.

It's likely Milliband will go. It is certain that Clegg will have to go. The only question is: if the coalition is brought down by this issue, will Labour be ready to fight another general election?
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#No2AV

2011-04-05T04:46:00.001-07:00

Do check out the trending topic on twitter #No2AV
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office quarterback: Urban Word of the Day

2011-04-05T02:39:00.001-07:00

I'd like to dedicate this to my good friend Penfold:

April 5: office quarterback

a manager that is infamously known for handing off their work and other useless assignments to you that they could and should be doing themselves

The office quarterback just handed off a bunch of his assignments to me, AGAIN!

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