Special Repost: The Faculty: Givers, Takers and Talkers

It's bizarre that in thinking about this post, it's almost exactly 2 years since I wrote this, and in that time, a grand total of fucking zero has changed.

Now if you'd all like to fuck off now, I've got writing to do. I appreciate it, lotttssss.

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Apparently your chance of publication in leading journals doubles if you put a colon in the title. My mate Phil was very clear about that. I received a mail one day from that fellow traveller Ron Mexico, with the outstanding and totally recommendable Totally Gonzo blog, which you must check out right after reading this piece. We recommend things here because they are good, not because they generate commissions.

So back to Ron's comment. It was:

A "Gonzo Lecture" is something that I often think about, especially the ways a lecturer could introduce some Gonzo methods into the academic world. In my own twisted sense of humour I have to admit my thoughts have yet to go beyond setting off fireworks at the back of the lecture hall and denouncing the rest of the faculty as a bunch of pigf****rs. (ed)

It seems wrong that the one place where fun is totally killed in college is in the lecture hall. Maybe if it started there, the students might actually turn up for a change. As The Good Doctor often said - "When it stops being fun, it is wrong."

Wisdom indeed. I've thought often about this comment when dealing with some of my esteemed colleagues. I was describing the situation just today on the phone to my colleague Jimbo Kalashnikov. We were discussing how some people meet deadlines and do their part and some people don't. Realising that success in my work depended so much on being able to predict likely co-worker productivity when entering initially into any substantial collaboration, the new taxonomy suddenly slipped out with glistening suprise.

"Jimbo," I said "there are three types of faculty. Givers, Takers and Talkers."

He agreed.

I continued. "The givers are the ones you want. Stay well away from the takers, but they after all only ever contact you in order to further suck you dry, offering nothing of use in return. The real problem ones are the talkers. They appear cooperative, productive and collaborative, but in fact are just finding new and exciting ways to waste more of your precious time and sabotage any possible achievement you may aspire after."

We paused in astonishment for a moment. Just two academics together on the telephone-line.

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