Nowt as queer as those in charge

The odd thing about people in the upper echelons of universities is that as soon as you are appointed you suddenly lose the ability to send an email by yourself to "all staff."

Thus we constantly receive these bizarre and mostly irrelevant emails which begin "The following is sent on behalf of Roland Renderless, Head of Facilities Services." You then have to read this convoluted email about staff car parking spaces - a topic which even the great Mr Renderless knows something about, so it can't really be all that hard to grasp. The problem with such emails is that you have to read them before you realise that they are not only patronising and irrelevant, but you start asking questions as to why certain people have parking spaces but you don't.

The gonzo response is simple and two fold. The first wave involves sending Mr Roland Renderless's minion who was initially "tasked" with sending the email a reply, in the shape of a question. This is even better if it can be posed with a minor correction regarding errors in the initial text. It can be posed something as follows:

"Dear Mrs Jemima Picklestabber,

Thank you for you kind email send on behalf of your boss Mr Roland Renderless regarding the new parking arrangements. I just wanted to clarify that you mentioned the seventh day of next month, which is in fact a Sunday. Did you mean the eighth, which is of course a Monday? Also, I'd like to draw your attention to the Health Safety considerations regarding special access requirements in the event of a second floor fire evacuation which would normally require the use of a wall-mounted cradle, the base of which will now be unable to overcome the fifteen foot wall you mention will be erected to protect the monster truck storage facility required as a result of this extraordinary cultural event which will be held during this period. Disabled people are therefore far more likely to perish as a result."

If such a message can be sent as a reply to "all staff" the results are often then rather satisfying as every nob in the building dives on email with their thruppence-worth. As one stands back and takes no further part, the chaos descends into comments such as "why do we have to do this anyway?!" Etc. Of course, before a real member of senior management intervenes, Mrs Picklestabber will invariably respond with a reply along the lines of "I'll contact Mr Renderless and find out further details."
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