I have to admit that though I like to think of myself as every woman's ultimate soulmate, I really have no idea what's going on with them.
Certainly, despite much consideration of the many issues involved, I have tried my level best to stack the game in my favour. It's a kind of "eyes wide-open, eyes-shut" kind of thing. Trying to weigh every aspect of the future as much as can be, whilst also trying to avoid the stifling oppression of control.
Everybody I know has wisdom to share about relationships - how to have them, how to be satisfied in them - how to break up. Many out there who profess to know the inside track are actually single.
I don't know - if you get married young, stay married for many years and then break up in a mire of vitriol and hatred, played out in the public arena, you might want to stand back and wait a while before jumping back into the ring for what some might consider will inevitably play out to be round two.
I am surrounded by people who are mostly not very good at doing relationships. Most of my colleagues have been divorced - a few on multiple occasions. I've even known of junkies who've managed to get themselves cleaned up, but then somehow were left face down in defeat by something as seemingly innocuous as a relationship.
In my profession, we boast a break-up rate which is much higher than the national average. It's weird, considering the job we do on paper, how it is that most of us cannot seem to handle the post-romance part of most relationships.
We can handle attraction, romance, honeymoon. The sex is great. It's the adult bit I and others still seem to find perpetually perplexing.
How's yours?
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5 comments:
Well GL, its times like these that I feel I should offer a shoulder of support or words of wisdom such as “Buy her something nice, treat her like a Queen and just nod happily whilst holding an expression of slight concern, etc etc..” but the sad truth is that I, with my track record, seem to understand the demands of the female part of our species less than anyone, so all I can do is wish you luck and let you know that I’m here if needed….
Barticus
Hello there. Like the post and have empathy.Just started to blog my 'who killed the boy'? manuscript on wordpress. I cover some of that ground in a surreal way but leave the conclusions to others.Was I searching for my ideal woman? Hankering after eternal, joyful romance or just the wife when she was like that. Even I don't know and I wrote the bloody thing.
Now your tirade on my blog post about 'love truths' is starting to make sense. My answer to THIS post (which I have actually read) is that having been married more than once and having lots of relationships (I am on my 3rd marriage, and my 6th live-in relationship) does not mean you are a 'relationship junkie' or some sort of idiot that 'keeps going back for more' - but that you are human and, as in the nature of the beast, want to be pair up and find love. One of the most moronic things that people say about marriage is, I think, 'once bitten twice shy', as if all wives/husbands are the same, all relationships the same, marriage meaning only one thing. I'm not surprised that people who think in this blinkered fashion find it hard to have a successful relationship.
Every person is different, every start of something new a chance to find something lovely. I don't regret my chequered past at all, not the long relationships or the shorter flings - they've made my life interesting, and also this marriage by far my happiest, because I have learned from the mistakes of the past.
Those who grow cynical about love and the opposite sex only serve to make themselves less than happy, I think.
Thanks to all of you who've so far come back to me here to comment.
Terry - who loves you more than me? And I'm not talking about the love we discuss above - mutual travellers - mutual regard - I always hope we'll share mutuality, enjoy our differences and maintain a healthy willingness to just let each other "be."
I always look forward to our chats.
A student Ellie mentioned at the end of yesterday's class how she followed many writers "but I realy like Terry Tyler." She doesn't like erotica, but she likes your work.
I think this sums it up
IF ONLY
The years and miles between us
Mean we’ll never meet
She in her world
Me in mine
Unless,
Performing some extraordinary feat
Newsworthy I become
Prime time.
So until then I have to be content
To see her lovely face and hear her voice
At six o-clock upon my TV screen
Or do I?
Have I forgotten?
What was in fact, those years ago
When I was not so much aware.
A callow youth,
A shallow brain
We made it work though all the same.
Now four grown up children later
I want to do it all again.
It’s just as well we’ll never meet
Dreams and love are shattered by the smell of sweaty feet
The snores at night
And a thousand little things that blight
Perfection in reality
So I’ll dream on, this time knowing that I’ll never disappoint
Let time take its course and not defer
In purging all these thoughts
Of what it would be like to live with her.
But every now and then
I’ll stop awhile
Stretch out a finger and imagine
That I touch that lovely smile.
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