Life As Art: The Kettle Kontroversy

As regular readers will be aware, it's the intention here at The Gonzo Lecture to bring the world completely up to date with educational breaking news and associated editorial commentary.

No exception today when the following reports began to light up the office's tickertape machine here at the lodge. I was enjoying my dark, black americano when class-critique and power struggle began to animate themselves across the single, white ribbon. I knew it would be seconds before the phone began to ring as the buzz took hold.

What had triggered these wild, uncontrollable incidents to spiral into being, had from all reports begun with simplest of appeals to collegial charity I'd ever witnessed.

The initial email request had apparently been the following from Jen The IT specialist:

Has anyone got a spare kettle they no longer need please? Many Thanks

At this point, nobody expected the following, rhetorical backlash to arrive as quickly, or as forcefully as it did:

Why is the 'world' in receipt of this request! Total miss use of the system - nip down to Argos or the Oxfam shop!!!

At this point, it might be necessary to briefly translate Dr Rutger's downhome colloquialisms. "Nip down" refers to walking -I suppose quite quickly and purposefully. Argos is a cheap store with no displays but instead gets customers to order from catalogues and the goods are later dispatched from some sort of warehouse from the back of the shop. Oxfam is a charity shop which sells mostly used goods for fundraising. The themes of the second writer is clear - class, male domination and consumerism are all major themes located within his short passage.

As the Britishness of the exchange pervaded, just as in World War 2, nothing had happened until the unprovoked attack from the office of Dr Rutgers pushed the initiator's back firmly against the proverbial wall, leading to the following, artistic appeal to reason, as IT Jen then creates life as art in her following, no-shit response:

I sincerely apologise for disturbing you, at what is obviously a very busy time in your schedule. I understand your pure frustration at receiving such a ‘trivial’ request,  as you rightly point a what maybe a complete misuse of the system. 

However, In these days of make do and mend, and in light of the current economic crisis that not only the University faces but in fact the entire world, I feel that we should all do our best to recycle what we can where we can for the good of our environment.

Also, may I add, that due to the current situation with the fuel crisis making unnecessary trips to Argos or indeed Oxfam could be deemed an unnecessary and frivolous use of fuel, not to mention adding to my carbon footprint. Just to explain further. The said kettle to be used to quench the thirst of extremely busy contractors that are doing their utmost to upgrade the very systems that you use to the teach your ‘extremely important’ lectures. To keep them topped up with tea and to prevent them from dehydrating is paramount to the provision to a first class job. After all we all know, Dr Rutger, that a cuppa is of high importance to a decent workforce and can ensure the job is done to a standard that we all expect and inspire too.. Therefore it is in not only mine as the tech for the Classrooms but also you Dr Rutgers who will in fact be the beneficially of the excellent, high standard  upgrades that may in fact be totally due to the regular cups of tea that will be made from said Kettle.

The above has been reproduced with the permission of at least one of the parties concerned. Dr Rutgers has not since made himself available for official comment.