Self pity

Self pity makes me this way, 

Makes me dress up how I feel in grandiosity & blame, 

To lay at the feet of others all the reasons why, 

Much easier than admitting my own pleasure self indulgent pain. 

To feel empty & yet so full of self I can't break out, 

Because nobody understands & I hurt everyone who cares. 

I have no space for anybody in my fat heart. 

No pause to remind me my problems are of my own making. 

I am both the source & the solution. 

Get on the way. Won't get out of the way. 

Can't hand anything over. Too proud. 

When will my defeat be? 

How much more do I have to make myself suffer, 

Until all's gone, everybody's gone. 

It's me or them, I know. 

I know the way,  I just can't take it. 

The denial robs me of my self denial. 

©GONZOLECTURE 

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