I think a hard decisions is wanting to dump another person. It's hard also to live with another person you likely once loved and wanted, but now you're wondering if it'll ever get better. I'd hate to be the only obstacle between somebody & their way of exiting that arrangement.
Wow...how things change.
The last few years have been monstrous, yet also a time of growth, in some quarters, & of I'm honest, decline in others.
I guess one deals with oneself - i guess I deal with myself, or I don't. Mostly, I've been just surviving, I suppose, on my level.
I've been so focused the last 3yrs, on not cocking up my main paycheck, again - after last time's, hugely regrettable proceedings, which so badly impacted on severe mental health issues that were already dogging me.
The 3yrs of depression, in which I clung onto my sanity, like it was a piece of driftwood, as I careered into sobriety, and out of the dysfunctionality of a marriage that was, for me, becoming quite restrictive, unhappy and unfulfilled.
This time, I like to fantasise was my blue period, in which I became more like #Picasso. Of course, he wasn't much when it came to taking care if women, either.
Imprint my hate,
on your, foul mind,
As you run away,
leave me, behind.
Used, abused,
As you, have choosed,
I gave my best,
and now, I lose,
"Oh, he's obsessed,
like the all the rest,
That've failed
My oft-repeated test,
I prime desire,
Exploit, conspire,
Then, they realise,
I'm another liar,
Resulting in some broken lives,
I then don my next disguise,
Reinventing all I am,
Fishing for my next, great man,
The mark, I've chosen,
For his power,
To wile away,
The hum-drum hours."
