when a man, such as I, loses focus...

for some reason I can't live with uncertainty, it paralyses me. yet I never am certain of anything in this world, as I transit from one scene to another, redefining myself as I see fit, in order to fit.

these turbulent highways of desperation, as I seek to provide and stay alive, become a cause of deep focus, causing me to cling onto myself, often losing what I have, if only to keep me from losing myself, completely.

I've lost 2 significant others along the way, this way, being incapable of grasping and keeping all things, including those who do not wish to be kept. I've concluded that the goal of others is rarely to allow one to be, but eventually to assume all control in all things, even subconsciously.

No longer fooled by the illusion of the better unknowns I'm gradually learning to keep myself pure, whilst contented in the warmth and brightness of the daytime sun and the company of like minded peoples.

foremost in this pursuit are my daughter, some brighter colleagues, a few, choice purveyors of artisan food delicacies in my abode of London's Greenwich Town. I eye daily a pile of canvases in my studio, which call to me, each day, to be smeared in my thick, gooey gore, in a fashion that screams forth my heart.

I hit a point in life, when the fear and the anger peaked and I couldn't continue without destroying myself and everybody around me, if only emotionally. but now I'm free from most normal encumbrances, with mostly the daily drive to breathe and hold my countenance, in the face of the ones who'll never understand my mind, which is mostly everybody I'll ever meet.

I could write more, and forever, and I probably shall.

5 reasons why you...

Please don't bore me,
With your superior content,
Lamenting what is
in the interests of better,
and trite confections
that'll make you wetter,
and stronger and faster,
with a top masterclass,
that simply exposes,
how little you are.
And though you've gone further
and travelled, quite far,
there's a hole in your soul
that won't fill itself,
before the sun dips below
that hill in the distance,
and then you will know,
how dark and alone, and cold,
you've become, and will stay.
As you gather your fortitude
and reflect on life's lessons,
knowing within, that it wasn't a tale,
to be used as an anecdote,
to draw others closer,
it was just a life, that was wasted,
and never replaced,
by the sweet yawn of time,
never erased, by the soul's, souring wine.
It wasn't what you did, nor what you said,
nor how you made,
your great audience feel.
It was, just instead, so enormous, and real,
now inside you, has died, so the rest of us feel
and now lives on in us, until we are gone,
and can't really matter, now it has gone.

Happiness is in the everyday (poem)

Happiness, is in the everyday,
I don't care, what people say:
Kid's cartoons, and coffee spoons,
Ribs n things, and chicken wings,
Smells and sounds, of senses deep,
Crab fishing, on the stoney beach,
Sliding into perfect sleep.
The things that we all have today,
The smiles, the whiles, and donuts, sweet,
Make us stay, not run away,
The laughter, at the corny joke,
The Friday nights,
The wholesome smoke,
The pizza time,
The perfect rhyme,
Remind us, these are better times.

There's a time

There's a time, to be,
There's a time, to die,
There's a time, to wonder,
And a time, to lie,
But what I'll never, ask myself,
Is "why? Oh, why?
Beneath this broken sky,
This rhyme, released,
Will send its buzz,
To all the world,
With all its din,
And thirst, and emptiness,
Of life of sin,
As fear, will do its worst,
And enter in,
Punched, like a weave,
Until, it's bound,
To make her leave.

The Cliché : the "I never wannabe like them, person"

Whenever we say "hope I'm never like that guy", we better watch out, in case we became that guy.

I always remember my study of the kings of Israel, when I noted, with help, that they all seemed to start quite well, then somehow degrade into some terrible, sad embarrassment, to God, their people, and themselves.

The irony is, we become the failures of the world, in so many ways, because human nature always brings forth, the same kind'v things.

Moment by moment

Life's a lot
about how I
live it, #daybyday
moment by moment

I never thought

I never thought,
That the past would leave me,
That the best would go,
And I never took the time to
savour it?

Decline

As I've watched others do,
And now follow them, too,
As I pass from divine,
Into one, last, decline,
I become yet another,
Who has come from his mother,
Made his own way,
And arrived here, one day,
Somersaults, by default,
Recline in their vaults,
The rhyme has decayed,
As our thoughts, here, conveyed,
To the dark, twisted eyes,
That controlled us with lies,
Until our hearts ceased working.

People who aren't real...

There's always something about people who hide part of their real selves from me.

What they do with everybody else is their business, and as many people can't be trusted, then I can't really blame them.

But, when it comes to me, I expect no lies, no pretense, no repackage of past things.

It's very difficult to find genuine in truth whilst condescending to dwell in the midst of:

All self seeking,
self preserving,
I find myself,
just not deserving,
true, and brutal honesty,
And keep smiling, as you see.

Just for Today I'll be agreeable...

Just for today,
I'll be agreeable,
Judge the world,
In accordance,
with the seeable,
Engaging, only with,
The versatile & free able,
Making moments,
Making friends,
Turning all desires, and then,
Relating outwardly, to be,
Channels of healing,
That all may see,
With depth of feeling,
Then with the wild
and precious will,
As money comes,
Exploits & kills,
Humanity,
in the name of gain,
Will you conspire,
To do the same?
As lives, & hearts,
Fall to the floor,
As men & women,
Wanting more,
Invade our worlds,
To monetise,
All we are,
And valorise,
All we feel,
With greedy eyes,
Lusting, longing,
All we are,
All we have,
To slash & scar
Our senses, energy, supply,
Leaving noone,
Asking why.

Sanctity of personalised experience

If we are to be self realising individuals, allowing others to be the same, we're going to behave differently regarding the value of personal (and personalised) experience.

One thing we all possess is the faculty through the senses to personalise our own experience. The weapon to resist overbearing social conditioning from our environment is the validation of our personal experience. 

The formation of personalised truth, as discussed in the previous post, comes from a comparison between what we're told and what we know. We will anyway. We must also know that to "let people be" needs to be out practice, to avoid in anyway that we become the controllers. 

The ethics of avoiding learner dependence of those we are mentoring and perfecting is a commonsense & well established principle. In practice we see those teaching others often inadvertently using power against those they seek to serve, either through threat, or "love" to impair them. 

Even as I'm writing, I'm cautious of manifesting a sort of sanctimonious Norman Vincent Peale, or Charles Spurgeon type tone that would cause my critics to recoil with the sentiment I'm trying to create some sort of blueprint for self improved personal behaviours. That wasn't the way of #HunterSThompson not is it mine, nor should it be any of those who seek to develop a better way for us and our fellows. 

Comment below.