Sometimes people... #poem

Sometimes, people cut & run,
That's how, they say, goodbye,
Sometimes they use you,
Just for fun,
Then leave you, asking "why?".
It never was a talking point,
The way, you made them feel,
Emotion, and its tired disjoint,
The only thing that's real.
Commercial thoughts,
Of gain & loss,
The stifled names,
And who's the boss,
We leave the fame,
The work is tossed,
We never are the same,
And we'd do it, all again,
But, for now,
Just feel the loss,
And how, they were, once here.

The Trial #poem

In the midst,
of, what I hope will be,
a trial, separation.
Amidst the tide of jubilation,
And can't take anymore.
A little light of vicious sadness,
Will take the place,
Of utter madness,
That we can't see,
The test is underway,
And, that's how,
You went, away.

There's a time

There's a time, to be,
There's a time, to die,
There's a time, to wonder,
And a time, to lie,
But what I'll never, ask myself,
Is "why? Oh, why?
Beneath this broken sky,
This rhyme, released,
Will send its buzz,
To all the world,
With all its din,
And thirst, and emptiness,
Of life of sin,
As fear, will do its worst,
And enter in,
Punched, like a weave,
Until, it's bound,
To make her leave.

Engaged...

Following my recent return to my search for meaning within the practical confines of the daily life, I'll likely also be returning to the daily (hopefully) production of my thoughts in text, here and elsewhere.

The muse, and there are many, present themselves, always willing at first to stoke the artist's flame, but always with the motive to make something according to their own design, with themselves at the centre.

My conflict is between my life & theirs & this inextricable domination that sets in, always attempting, sometimes unknowingly, to inject their sentiments & song into the work.

Only M encourages, never imposes.

The struggle of the artist & writer is lonely, with some admirers, for which I'll always be grateful. Gone now are the commercial quid-pro-quoers, who traded shoutouts-for-shoutouts, never equally, mostly resulting in me publicising shit, just to get my voice heard above the din of sub-standard, indie crap. Even if I'm unheard, and unheard of, by the time those curtains to the furnace part, it'll have been worth it, just to have kept my creative integrity.

If the basis of the creative relationship in which one finds oneself, is brutal, open truth & honesty, then that is the deal, forever. The problem with some, is that it's their strategy to reposition the goalposts. They always change, whereas I never do - not intrinsically, or essentially.

I will go on. I have to. After spending many, repressed years of literally hiding my true self, only to be continually forsaken, by those who claimed to love me, but who didn't get back from me what they wanted, or felt they deserved, I'm better alone.

Tomorrow is farewell

There's a great deal to be said

for the Morrissey analysis

of many flaws of love. relationships.

There is an elusive

balance between

the effects shown in the

next post, and allowing

the other person's

domination, and eventual

definition of your,

actual self.

See & hear the Morrissey YouTube video here.

Timely end

You cannot find a timely end
From one who feigns, they are your friend,
The cause of many woes & ills,
Withdraws, with selfishness, that kills,
But then, the truth, will come to light,
The wife, the life, the things, not right,
That forces, captive, righteous hands,
To judge the house, lest it cannot stand.

The Body is a precious thing,
It walks, it talks, it stands, it sings,
And brings about, all, everything,
But not, if it is sick.

We stand & care, for what we want,
But know, deep down, that we deceive,
Our own, base instinct, just relieve,
Destruction, in our wake,
The selfishness, just takes.
Then, when everything is done,
There's no more love, there's no more sun,
We know, we're lost, our lives, undone,
The lies, are all that's left,
Morality, bereft,
We justified, we just plain lied,
Because we couldn't be alone,
So life, lived out, now, on the phone,
The wrong, self seeking, never giving,
Damaging, the lives, we're living,
Pride inside, then something died,
The cause of all, the death, before,
Left alone, ourselves, implored.

The Point

Everybody's on their best behaviour, 
Stick with me, I'll be your saviour, 
No need for references, trust me, I'm cool, 
I'm the one who loves you, & you're no fool, 
Just commit to me, is all I need, 
I give you my pussy, you give me your seed,
You're better than him, this we agree, 
He's an idiot, anyone can see, 
You're not like him, you're so smart, 
You gotta big brain, an even bigger heart, 
I'll take care of you, if you take care of me, 
It's all real easy, cos we're meant to be, 
They don't know you're different to them than me, 
I understand you better than her, 
She doesn't get you, doesn't deserve, 
Wants to control you, change what you are, 
I like your belly and your smelly cigar, 
You make me feel, you make me hot, 
You take me places on your big, hard cock,
That space in your life is now my slot, 
I want different, I want strange, 
Want what I want in the guise of change,
Now I get chance for my life to rearrange, 
Equality, egality, mutuality, we're a team, 
You be you and I'll be me, nice & clean, 
A new start with old people trying to be new, 
We're not clichés, we know what to do, 
There's no way we can't be different from the world & from ourselves, 
We're the people who escaped from hell, 
We beat our oppressors & lived to tell, 
Now we'll do it different, we've arranged a while new plan, 
I've got a new woman & you a new man, 
We're our new beginning, so glad we made the change, 
I'll try to be different from the nature & the rage, 
That sent the whole last thing curly, and made it fall apart, 
Because she wasn't willing to be accustomed to my heart, 
Because she wanted too much, wouldn't let me be myself, 
So I finally lost patience and went to find someone else, 
Thought I found myself, catharsis, cure, 
Rushed into oblivion, bit down on hook & lure, 
Finally found myself in a prison I couldn't possibly endure, 
Can't help with whom you fall in love, 
No advice, no common sense, just love, 
Love love love love love love love. 
Until there isn't any longer. 
Just what I want, just what she wants, 
Nothing that we both want, 
Just dull, misunderstanding, tedious frustrating, 
Until you remember the only reason you're together is because of something you no longer do, 
It's no longer meeting her need, or doing anything for you, 
The blow jobs stop as reality sets in, 
The passion wanes and love ebbs thin, 
You wonder what's the point. 

©GONZOLECTURE 

To know. To be.

• I know a lot more than I was ever told. 
• I know a lot more than I can say. 
• I knew many things about you, 
• That were subtle nuances in the middle of perfumed love at the beginning, 
• But now stare glaringly obvious at everybody with a brain. 
• You want what you want until you don't want it, 
• Which is nice to be wanted, but is always followed by being unwanted, 
• Until I can be wanted again. 
• Not until I'm out. 
• Not until I've:
• Fought 
• Bought 
• Forced 
• My way out of a rear opening, squeezed back into the world, into the wild again. 
• Only each time I'm getting:
• Older 
• Sicker 
• Tireder 
• Crankier 
• More hopeless. 
• Still not ready to give up. 
• I romance the world. 
• Now I'm going to romance you. 

©Gonzolecture 

That Jamaican 2

That Jamaican is deceitful,

Living a life of deceit in self constructed world of lies, 

Where we look on, 

Now the weed has gone, 

And now there's nothing left to talk about. 

Chancin her way, 

Through all of her day. 

One provides the rent, another her image, another her esteem. 

All taking care of the demands of all her personal instincts & needs. 

I know everything and you all are everything to me-

Give me what I need & I'll make you feel good til I need you no more. 

Then I'll be gone, 

Like a free spirit.

Get with it man cos I take it all, 

In return you get my smile while I count your money, because that's how I roll. 

Well I woke up one day, 

Got free from your spell, & your smell & your self-made corner of my own private hell. 

You stay wrapped up in your stupid,  imagined world.

You're not my diversion & you're not welcome in my world. 

You hairy, manipulative, lying little girl.