Engaged...

Following my recent return to my search for meaning within the practical confines of the daily life, I'll likely also be returning to the daily (hopefully) production of my thoughts in text, here and elsewhere.

The muse, and there are many, present themselves, always willing at first to stoke the artist's flame, but always with the motive to make something according to their own design, with themselves at the centre.

My conflict is between my life & theirs & this inextricable domination that sets in, always attempting, sometimes unknowingly, to inject their sentiments & song into the work.

Only M encourages, never imposes.

The struggle of the artist & writer is lonely, with some admirers, for which I'll always be grateful. Gone now are the commercial quid-pro-quoers, who traded shoutouts-for-shoutouts, never equally, mostly resulting in me publicising shit, just to get my voice heard above the din of sub-standard, indie crap. Even if I'm unheard, and unheard of, by the time those curtains to the furnace part, it'll have been worth it, just to have kept my creative integrity.

If the basis of the creative relationship in which one finds oneself, is brutal, open truth & honesty, then that is the deal, forever. The problem with some, is that it's their strategy to reposition the goalposts. They always change, whereas I never do - not intrinsically, or essentially.

I will go on. I have to. After spending many, repressed years of literally hiding my true self, only to be continually forsaken, by those who claimed to love me, but who didn't get back from me what they wanted, or felt they deserved, I'm better alone.